CrimQuips: Commentary by Barry Crimmins

2004-07-13T06:57:00.000-04:00

Hello to all,

Sorry I have been incommunicado but I promise I have been devoting almost all of my time and effort to endeavors that will guarantee that George W. Bush will be a one-term court-appointed president.

OK Here's the latest:

1- Never Trust a War Criminal by Barry Crimmins will be published this fall by Seven Stories Press. Please harangue your local bookseller to stock it.

2- Things at Air America are going great. I work with the wonderful Randi Rhodes each day. I will also be in Boston to cover the Democratic National Convention for AAR. If you miss Crimquips, listen to Randi carefully and you just might hear a few. I also tend to turn up on her show on Tuesdays because....

3- I'll also be in New York every Tuesday at Rocky Sullivan's hosting "Satire for Sanity" featuring all the greatest political humorists working today. There is already an Air America special in production from the shows that I have promised to do on a weekly basis until George W. Bush is is voted, hounded or impeached from office."
details @
http://www.rockysullivans.com/

This week's special musical guest is the fabled Christine Lavin. A. Whitney Brown, Randy Credico, Reno and Warren Thomas will add their world-class wits to the show. We have been selling out early for the unbelievably cheap $10 cover charge, so get to Rocky's (on Lexington Avenue between 28th and 29th as early as possible for the 8PM shows.

Upcoming guests will include Jim's Big Ego, David Cross, Kate Clinton and many, many more. This show has already become the underground place to be on Tuesdays in NYC. Any Tuesday you're in the city that the Republicans will soon regret holding their convention in, please do join us!

4- This weekend I return to Boston to perform at the Jimmy Tingle's UnConventional Comedy Convention at Jimmy's Off-Broadway Theater (formerly the Boston Baked Theater where I recorded "Kill the Messenger" way back when. I love the room, I love the city and I relish a chance to do an awful lot of new material in my artistic hometown. Working with my old pal Jimmy will be pretty great as well.

For tickets call
866-811-4111
9am-9pm;
for group discounts, parking or more information call the theater's box office: 617-591-1616 Jimmy Tingle's OFF BROADWAY Theater,
255 Elm St., Davis Sq.,
Somerville, MA 02144
Phone hours:
Mon.-Fri., noon-5 pm;
walk-up sales 2 hours before each show.

And Jimmy has awful lot lined up for the rest of the month as well.

Jimmy Tingle's Un-Conventional
COMEDY CONVENTION:
Political Humor Series

Get Your Tickets Now! Before It's Too Late!

7/14-7/15: Bizarro's Politicomedy A-Go-Go, featuring comedian Dan Piraro (creator of the syndicated comic strip "BIZARRO")

7/16-7/18: Barry Crimmins (HBO & Air America Radio), w/Baratunde R. Thurston (7/16th) & Jimmy Tingle $20

7/22-7/23: A. Whitney Brown ("Saturday Night Live"),
Jim Morris ("Larry King"), Will Durst ("David Letterman";
7/22 only), & host Bob Somerby

7/24-7/25: Janeane Garofalo (Air America Radio),
Sam Seder (Air America Radio) & Jimmy Tingle

7/25 (9:30pm show): Lewis Black (HBO) w/Jimmy Tingle

7/26-7/31: Jimmy Tingle & special guests "All Politics Is Loco!" tribute to Tip O'Neill

Tix $20-$40. Dinner/show specials.
Free parking. Davis Sq. on the Red Line.
www.jtoffbroadway.com

OK, that's it, except to say that I lost my entire backlog of e-mail and my address book so if you were expecting a reply from me or haven't heard from me, please check in. I will reply as soon as humanly possible.

Peace and love,

Barry Crimmins

2004-03-31T14:30:00.000-05:00

I have been working round the clock on the launch of Air America Radio. Liftoff was achieved today at High Noon.

More affiliates being added all the time. Here is the latest list
New York - WLIB 1190 AM
Los Angeles - KBLA 1580 AM
Chicago - WNTD 950 AM
Portland, OR- KPOJ 1620 AM
Inland Empire, CA- KCAA 1050 AM
Minneapolis MN - WMNN 1330AM
The O'Franken Factor from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.

The Randi Rhodes Show from 3PM to 7PM on 1290 WJNO West Palm Beach Florida

XM Satellite Radio - Channel 167

http://www.airamericaradio.com

from 3-7 The Randi Rhodes Show
which is my primary assignment but I have written stuff you'll hear all over the network. We have worked very hard for months to get this up and running. Please torment your local programmers to pick up our shows in syndication.
http://www.therandirhodesshow.com/streaming.html

call Randi at 866-303-2270 to join the fun

I am likely to turn up on Randi's show now and then,,,,

Working hard to drive the court-appointed Bush Administration from power,

2004-01-30T15:28:00.000-05:00

Skull and Bones Follow up.
I have received three notes from subscribers concerning my naivete about John Kerry's membership in Yale's not so secret Skull and Bones Society.

I am not a big conspiracy devotee -- perhaps I have been tormented by one too many Kennedy assassination buffs. I have known John Kerry and many of his people for years and have had many differences with them. That said, I am relatively certain that they aren't simply pawns of a secret society. Were he to be nominated and then elected president, Kerry would restore White House respect for environmental laws, civil rights and civil liberties. He would appoint judges who are light years ahead of those named by Bush. Workers would get much more support in their struggles to survive in the modern economy and if we don't end up with some sort of national health care it won't be because it wasn't even a goal. Kerry would not have Dick Cheney and his cronies writing energy policy. He wouldn't create false reasons to go to war. If he did have troops in the field, they wouldn't have to rely on private sources to supply them with Kevlar vests. John Kerry wouldn't hide cutting veteran
's benefits behind a red, white and blue facade because he would work to restore benefits to his fellow vets. If caskets returned home filled with American soldiers under his watch, I am certain that he wouldn't attempt to censor news coverage of their arrival back on US soil.

If you ask me, it's a pretty crappy secret society that would allow one member to take the presidency from another. If it's so damned omnipotent, why would it allow any of its members to suffer the embarrassment of losing?

Does the Skull and Bones represent old school ties and the potential for cronyism in a Kerry Administration. Hell yes. Considering our current circumstances, is that a good enough reason to rule out support for Kerry? Hell no.

That said, were I voting tomorrow it would be for Dennis Kucinich. And I have sniped at Kerry for years- in Massachusetts - in print -- on stage. But unlike George W. Bush when Kerry runs into someone he knows he is courteous and says hello, rather than snubbing that person over political differences. Had I ever known Bush and then publicly challenged and criticized his positions do you think I could have ever expected any sort of courtesy from the man? Of course not.

To summarize: the implied shorthand of these Skull and Bones insinuations is that both Kerry and Bush serve the same master. Well I think that is rather far-fetched because we would be in discernibly better shape if John Kerry becomes president next January. And I repeat for the ten zillionth time, that I will support any Democrat (noting here that Lieberman's party status is a matter of dispute) this year against Bush.

OK, I am really leaving for the weekend now. Good luck to you, your candidates and your Super Bowl teams!

Barry

2004-01-30T15:26:00.000-05:00

CrimQuips 1/30/04

Commentary by Barry Crimmins

http://www.barrycrimmins.com

Just a couple of quips followed by a brief primary update...

The world would be a much better place if the court-appointed Bush Administration knew the difference between Americana and Ghengiskhana.

The upside of the media enhanced Dean Iowa debacle is that it resulted in a new course of psychiatric treatment. It's called "primary scream therapy."

Speaking of the primaries...

I have seen it spun that John Kerry's New Hampshire Primary victory isn't that big of a deal since he comes from neighboring Massachusetts. Come on. It would be one thing if he had led in New Hampshire from wire to wire but Kerry picked up 34 points on Howard Dean in a matter of weeks and that is pretty impressive no matter where you're from. Massachusetts has a common border with the home of the first primary in the nation but New Hampshire and Vermont interlock and he regained that ground on the former governor of the Green Mountain State. At this point if you're in in the Anyone But Bush club, you must take a long look at Kerry.

I love Dennis Kucinich but was disappointed when exit polls showed that he lost the crucial battle for New Hampshire's delusional voters by a 3-1 margin to Joe Lieberman. This means that, at least in the Granite State, far more deluded people believe Lieberman is a Democrat than believe a Democratic candidate should stand up for progressive causes. Alas.

The Dean folks have a lot invested in their candidate and so they are going through a real Miami Dolphins fan moment. Each year the Dolphins kick ass in September but as the season winds down and the games become life and death, the Fins fade faster than newsprint in a greenhouse. With veteran beltway operative Roy Neel taking over the Dean run, so long to a campaign staple -- haranguing Washington insiders. Dean's best hope may rest on finding a way to prove thus far unsubstantiated charges of dirty tricks by the Kerry campaign (electronic "Dean" calls at imprudent hours, calls to Dean supporters with incorrect caucus addresses and so on). Some Dean boosters tried to blame their boy's loss in the Iowa CAUCUS on touch screen voting irregularities until they were reminded of just how preposterous, not to mention wrong, that was. This time around they would be well advised to double-check their case before taking it out in public.

Wesley Clark is definitely the best general running for president, bar none! Unfortunately, many voters don't relate to his penchant for equating everything to how he ran military facilities. In regular life we have hospitals, not sick bays; stores and not PX's; jails and not brigs or guardhouses; cafeterias and not mess halls. To us debates start at 7 o'clock and not 1900 hours. And some of us are just a tad nervous about a man who served in Vietnam, saw what took place over there and then deemed the military a sane career choice. Many of the nervous people are Vietnam vets. It could be argued that nobody has done more for John Kerry than Wesley Clark.

If the word 'electability' ends up in the dictionary, Clark's campaign will be largely responsible. When Kerry was lagging and Dean was apparently headed for the Super Bowl, Clark's foot soldiers began planting doubt about Dean's general appeal (if you'll forgive the term). The concept of "electability" has done more damage to Howard Dean (and I'm not saying it is fair or right, I am just reporting the facts here) than even his caterwaul heard 'round the world, which really, really hurt. Granted the media played gotcha by using the feed line from Dean's mike but even with the crowd howling, it was a pretty weird moment. And the timing was horrific considering he had just gotten his face rubbed in an Iowa pigsty by the formerly dead -to-rights Kerry. Much to the dismay of General Clark and his supporters, Senator Kerry, a man with serious military and public service credentials, and a candidate possessed of a veteran political organization, now seems the most likely person
to end up with his picture next to 'electability' in the dictionary.

It is nonsense to say that America will not elect a candidate from the Northeast. This myth grew out of Michael Dukakis's bungled campaign in 1988. It says here that, should he be nominated, John Kerry is shrewd enough to run against Bush the unelected's weaknesses in a manner in which Duke refused to engage against Bush the (soon to be)elected. The Dukakis campaign chose to completely ignore the Iran-Contra scandal and 41's role in it. Why remains unclear to this day. To further handcuff himself, he chose Lloyd Bentsen, a pro-Contra Dem as his running mate. And then Dukakis iced his layer cake of doom with braggadocio about the "Massachusetts Economic Miracle," a phenomena almost completely resultant from Reagan's massive military buildup. The Gipper's Pentagon spending spree infused cash into the Route 128 high tech corridor surrounding Boston faster than you could say "Raytheon and General Dynamics." Of course it only took the tweaking and/or delay of a few contracts to
set the Bay State back on the economic skids. It also didn't take the media long to investigate the Massachusetts economy west of Boston and find it in anything but miraculous repair.

Kerry's campaign rhetoric already indicates that he will not provide W with a pass on the scandals that surround the court-appointed presidency. In fact the "Real Deal" label his campaign has adopted takes the fraudulence of the current regime to task in just two words. And Jr is going to have a hard time pinning the economic woes of our nation on John Kerry or any Democrat. So please spare us the oppression of the conventional wisdom of Southern Strategies. The South is full of people who'd be happy to vote for a war hero who speaks candidly about George W. Bush's impervious attitudes toward contemporary soldiers and working people.

There is but one other Southern card to play. Senator John Edwards of North Carolina is the sweetest confectionary to arise from Dixie since the moon pie. He is a staunch advocate of good manners and will politely disagree with anyone who feels differently. Edwards has opted against a Senate re-election run, which could cost the Dems a crucial seat in the next Congress. Now there's a Southern Strategy. If a zephyr were to dislodge a cloud of cotton candy from its stick and send it careening into Edwards, you get the feeling he'd wind up with at least a few broken bones. That said, he might be the perfect VP candidate, particularly when contrasted with Fang Cheney.

OK, I am hitting the road. Hope to see some of you in Hartford Saturday.

2004-01-25T07:41:00.000-05:00

CrimQuips 1/25/04

Commentary by Barry Crimmins

http://www.barrycrimmins.com

"We are seeking all the facts -- already the Kay Report identified dozens of weapons of mass destruction-related program activities and significant amounts of equipment that Iraq concealed from the United Nations." -- Court-appointed President George W. Bush last week in his State of the Union Address.

"That is correct." -- David Kay, the author of the aforementioned report when asked if he was saying that Iraq did not have any large stockpiles of chemical and biological weapons, in a Reuters interview released just two days after Bush's SOTU speech.

"Yes, we believe he [Saddam Hussein] had them, [WMD} and yes we believe they will be foundWe believe the truth will come out." -- White House Chief Prevaricator Scott. McClellan continuing to maintain that up is down even though Bush's own handpicked inspection chief acknowledged there are no weapons to be found as he resigned his futile post.

'We believe the truth will come out?' My goodness, Scott, don't let Dick Cheney catch you saying stuff like that around the Oval Office! -- Barry Crimmins -- self-appointed thorn in the side of the court-appointed Bush administration.

Taking a page from Walmart's book, W had the Capitol's doors locked so that no one could walk out on his endless State of the Union Address last week.

Dennis Miller's new show debuts on CNBC on Monday and if all goes well, a slot on Bloomberg isn't out of the question.

Just what America needs: a smug quisling mugging above its stock quotes.

Pretty soon Miller will be doing shows in the exciting new smaller portion of the "picture in picture" format on a public access cable show near you.

To sell out that much and still end up on CNBC is just pitiful.

Bush's Mars exploration plans represent some serious foresight. One day this Iraq boondoggle will end and Halliburton will need something like a Mars mission for fleecing the taxpayer.

Of course it will take a lot of R&D dollars for Halliburton to determine how to bribe microbes on Mars.

W is pushing education as a campaign theme this year. OK, technically it's "re-education" for registered Democrats -- nevertheless he's pushing it.

Bush says he is eating beef and isn't vaguely concerned about the possibility of mad cow disease. Of course he isn't -- the disease attacks the brain.

Either they don't have the internet in Iowa or Howard Dean has a few problems.

Apparently Dean is strongest among people with multiple screen-names.

Dean's freakout of a speech on the night of the Iowa caucus was meant to inspire his younger supporters? How? By calling to mind the kind of person who gets the cops called to a rave?

I guess we shouldn't be surprised when a guy from Vermont demonstrates the ability to go downhill at a rapid rate of speed.

Doc Dean has a few days to turn his virtual candidacy back into a real one and if he can do it anywhere, New Hampshire would be the place. If he doesn't rebound he has brought many issues, many new voters and much untainted money into the mix and there is nothing wrong with any of that.

We have watched Bush commit one faux pas after the next without receiving anywhere near the scrutiny or analysis of Dean's Screech Heard 'round the World.

And by the way, Peter Jennings, Bush WAS a deserter during Nam. Jesus, don't you have Google at ABC?

John Kerry is looking better and better. Unlike Dean, he has never been quoted as saying "YEEEEAAGGH!" on CNN and unlike Clark he has never given the commencement address at the School of the America's (aka/ School of the Assassins) as did Clark in 1996.

And by the way, Kerry gives the Dems all the military credibility they ever need without any "general" baggage so Wesley Clark's supporters need to present some other credentials as to why their man is a more viable option than Kerry.

Dick Gephart - The Iowa Carcass

Jokes aside, let's hope Dick continues his efforts for workers by fighting the scourge of globalization.

Sure Kerry can bring out Green Berets he saved in Nam but you never hear about the several times Bush took the wheel when his guardsmen buddies were too hammered to drive. Yup, old W was the best damned shit-faced driver in his battalion but he'd never stoop to exploiting it for political purposes.

If they gave out purple hearts for hangovers, W would have been the most decorated soldier of the Vietnam era.

*******

I think it's great that Iowa caucusers gave this race back to their fellow Democrats. It's even greater that they took it away from the foregone conclusions that were being peddled by pundits. Let's see how the Democratic aspirants do under growing pressure and then we'll have a good idea who will be able to withstand the heat this fall. For now I am pleased to see that the Capital Gang(ster) types don't seem to have much influence with rank and file Democrats.

That said, I will discard my own advice and make a prediction. Here goes: Speculation about Progress Radio will prove to be as inaccurate as most punditry has been concerning the Democratic field. One analyst after the next has prognosticated what the network will be about and then proceeded to demonstrate why such an endeavor is likely to fail. But not one of these analysts has come close to accurately foretelling what will soon be reaching the American radio dial. In the near future we will take to the air and suddenly there will be a paucity of straw men available for pundit immolation.

Too often we are subjected to commentary that is dominated by people telling us what is going to happen, instead of what is happening or has happened. Well if you don't know what's going on or what's gone on, you're not too likely to have an accurate vision of the future. We are working to build a network that will first and foremost get information to people so that they can draw their own conclusions.

Almost no mainstream commentators came close to foreseeing the Iraqi quagmire in the months of yammering leading up to the war. Millions of protesters foresaw the nightmare long before it unfolded. The new network will be a source of information and entertainment to the greatest people in the world -- the kind of people who would rather brave frigid weather to express their hopes and fears about the future rather wait for their opinions to be delivered by some electronic windbag, re-circulating the hot air of conventional wisdom.

*******

Please take the time to click and read the following piece by David Vest http://www.opednews.com/vest0104_wounded_captives.htm
--it exposes the court-appointed Bush Administration for being penny ante patriots concerning the wellbeing of the very soldiers it has sent into harm's way.

2004-01-22T07:14:00.000-05:00

GOP Chairman Ed Gillespie sent me my very own personal copy of Bush's State of the Union Address. To be courteous I dashed off the following reply:

1/21/04

Barry Crimmins responds to the 2004 SOTU Address.

http://www.barrycrimmins.com

(Barry's remarks are preceded by" BC". Bush's remarks are by "GWB:")

The State of the Union Address

President George W. Bush

January 20, 2004

GWB: Mr. Speaker, Vice President Cheney, Members of Congress, distinguished guests, and fellow citizens:

America this evening is a Nation called to great responsibilities. And we are rising to meet them.

BC: Particularly in New Hampshire.

GWB: As we gather tonight, hundreds of thousands of American servicemen and women are deployed across the world in the war on terror. By bringing hope to the oppressed, and delivering justice to the violent, they are making America more secure.

BC:They are delivering justice, alright. They are delivering it by telling the truth about the neglect, shoddy equipment, dangerous circumstances and muddled mission that has been inflicted upon them. The wounded, who've returned to abysmally poor treatment and benefits, will soon gather enough strength to seek some justice of their own. The dead, although brought into our nation under the shroud of darkness in an attempt to minimize the significance of their sacrifice, have filled some 600 graves that will forever remind the world of your callous wasting of their lives. Thousands and thousands of more such graves bespeak the same needless horror in Afghanistan and Iraq.

GWB: Each day, law enforcement personnel and intelligence officers are tracking terrorist threats; analysts are examining airline passenger lists; the men and women of our new Homeland Security Department are patrolling our coasts and borders. And their vigilance is protecting America.

BC:In the meantime while using all of this personnel to handle an unwieldy and hopelessly inefficient method of allegedly keeping us safe, you have caught thousands of innocents in your driftnet of paranoia. In the process you have done savage harm to the very civil liberties that should be a top priority of any decent homeland security operation.

GWB: Americans are proving once again to be the hardest working people in the world.

BC:Those not looking for work 24 hours a day simply can't because their multiple part-time, benefit-less jobs won't allow them to do so.

GWB: The American economy is growing stronger. The tax relief you passed is working.

BC: Glad to hear tax relief, unlike millions of Americans, is working. If we continue to create jobs at the rate of 1,000 per month (last month's total) it will only take 3,000 more years of your giveaways to the rich for us to regain the THREE MILLION jobs we have lost under your court-appointed presidency.

GWB: Tonight, Members of Congress can take pride in great works of compassion and reform that skeptics had thought impossible. You are raising the standards of our public schools; and you are giving our senior citizens prescription drug coverage under Medicare.

BC: Compassion for Big Pharmaceutical companies in guaranteeing them retail list price in perpetuity. Compassion for insurance hucksters that spend more money figuring out how to deny coverage than provide it. And reform by stealing funds from public schools so that they can be used to indoctrinate children in religious dogma at private institutions. Yeah, those are some real proud achievements.

GWB: We have faced serious challenges together -- and now we face a choice. We can go forward with confidence and resolve -- or we can turn back to the dangerous illusion that terrorists are not plotting and outlaw regimes are no threat to us.

BC: George W. Bush is offering us a choice: Four more years of his oppressive regime or Terrorism. Well, W, I am hard pressed to tell the difference.

GWB: We can press on with economic growth, and reforms in education and Medicare -- or we can turn back to the old policies and old divisions.

BC: Old divisions? Four more years of you and there will be fucking moats in this country.

GWB: We have not come all this way -- through tragedy, and trial, and war -- only to falter and leave our work unfinished.

BC: We know you haven't but since your negligence was a key element of the tragedy and since you flew to Nebraska when the trial began and since you needlessly fomented war that has brought heartbreak and misery to millions while alienating the USA from the international community, your job, the implementation of Paul Wolfowitz's New American Century, will be finished only over our dead political bodies.

GWB: Americans are rising to the tasks of history, and they expect the same of us. In their efforts, their enterprise, and their character, the American people are showing that the state of our Union is confident and strong.

BC:Nationalistic prattle. Human beings from all nations have a very strong survival instinct. One way or another it eventually provokes them to realize that if they are to survive as a species they must take stands against despots. Next November this country will take just such a stand.

GWB: Our greatest responsibility is the active defense of the American people. Twenty-eight months have passed since September 11th, 2001 -- over two years without an attack on American soil -- and it is tempting to believe that the danger is behind us. That hope is understandable, comforting -- and false. The killing has continued in Bali, Jakarta, Casablanca, Riyadh, Mombassa, Jerusalem, Istanbul, and Baghdad. The terrorists continue to plot against America and the civilized world. And by our will and courage, this danger will be defeated.

And your needless preemptive war has mass produced terrorists and handed extremists a rationalization for accelerated bloodshed.

GWB: Inside the United States, where the war began,

BC: Which war began where? The terrorist war began in the USA? You can't prove it by the victims of the death squads your dad and so many of the people now in your employ sent out to terrorize during the 1980's.

GWB: we must continue to give homeland security and law enforcement personnel every tool they need to defend us.

BC: Well then answer all the questions you are asked about 9/11 and stop hiding behind your stolen office.

GWB: And one of those essential tools is the PATRIOT Act, which allows Federal law enforcement to better share information, to track terrorists, to disrupt their cells, and to seize their assets.

BC: You see, because Hitler attempted genocide, if a fascist doesn't commit (or at least call for) genocide then he thinks he can't be compared to Hitler. But the lingo and intent of the Patriot Act is fascist. It is meant to impose more government control over all of us. It is meant to destroy civil liberties that create so many cumbersome boundaries for law enforcement. And it is meant to make it much easier to make life difficult for people of certain ethnic and religious backgrounds. This PATRIOT Act scam is exactly the kind of fascist program that makes W fair game for fascist-baiting.

GWB: For years, we have used similar provisions to catch embezzlers and drug traffickers. If these methods are good for hunting criminals, they are even more important for hunting terrorists.

BC: Terrorists aren't criminals?

Oh yeah and the War on Drugs has been every bit as effective at interdicting drugs as the war on terror has been at eliminating terrorism. And goodness knows had the war on embezzlement ever even taken place, you'd have had many fewer dollars in your campaign chest.

GWB: Key provisions of the PATRIOT Act are set to expire next year. The terrorist threat will not expire on that schedule. Our law enforcement needs this vital legislation to protect our citizens -- you need to renew the PATRIOT Act.

BC: No, we need to ELECT a new president.

GWB: America is on the offensive against the terrorists who started this war. Last March, Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, a mastermind of September 11th, awoke to find himself in the custody of U.S. and Pakistani authorities. Last August 11th brought the capture of the terrorist Hambali, who was a key player in the attack in Indonesia that killed over 200 people. We are tracking al-Qaida around the world -- and nearly two-thirds of their known leaders have now been captured or killed. Thousands of very skilled and determined military personnel are on a manhunt, going after the remaining killers who hide in cities and caves -- and, one by one, we will bring the terrorists to justice.

BC:And they are being replaced dozen by dozen.

GWB: As part of the offensive against terror, we are also confronting the regimes that harbor and support terrorists, and could supply them with nuclear, chemical, or biological weapons. The United States and our allies are determined: We refuse to live in the shadow of this ultimate danger.

BC:Notice how the speechwriters assiduously avoid the term "Weapons of Mass Destruction" here. This is because W used up all possible references to WMD during last year's SOTU address. No need to call to mind those specious claims.

GWB: The first to see our determination were the Taliban, who made Afghanistan the primary training base of al-Qaida killers. As of this month, that country has a new constitution, guaranteeing free elections and full participation by women.

BC: The Taliban consists of some of the only people who lost jobs while you were president who are now back at work. And Afghanistan remains a dangerous mess.

GWB: Businesses are opening, health care centers are being established, and the boys and girls of Afghanistan are back in school. With help from the new Afghan Army, our coalition is leading aggressive raids against surviving members of the Taliban and al-Qaida. The men and women of Afghanistan are building a nation that is free, and proud, and fighting terror -- and America is honored to be their friend.

BC: I'll give you this much, W.; the Afghans did manage to get a bumper crop of heroin to the world market despite continued war and instability.

GWB: Since we last met in this chamber, combat forces of the United States, Great Britain, Australia, Poland, and other countries enforced the demands of the United Nations, ended the rule of Saddam Hussein -- and the people of Iraq are free. Having broken the Baathist regime, we face a remnant of violent Saddam supporters.

BC:And they are the only people fighting, huh? If the US military believes that load of crap, it has no chance in ever stabilizing Iraq. Sure there are Baathists but there are thousands of others, galvanized by your actions or, at the very least, invited by the tantalizing Red, White and Blue target you sent to Baghdad.

GWB: Men who ran away from our troops in battle are now dispersed and attack from the shadows.

BC:Considering your military record, W, I would think twice about talking about men running away from our troops.

And what you're saying here is that an outmanned and outgunned force has chosen to employ guerrilla tactics. You, the commander of the world's largest fighting machine engaged in an unprovoked assault on a sovereign nation, respond by saying "No Fair."

GWB: These killers, joined by foreign terrorists,

BC:Ahh, there we go. Foreign terrorists and Saddam supporters and YOU brought them together, W.

GWB: are a serious, continuing danger. Yet we are making progress against them. The once all-powerful ruler of Iraq was found in a hole, and now sits in a prison cell.

BC:Notice he doesn't say "US troops captured Saddam." This corroborates the veracity of the stories that revealed Hussein was caught, drugged and put in that pit by Kurds. The much-heralded American capture was nothing more than a kill on a "canned hunt" game farm.

GWB: Of the top 55 officials of the former regime, we have captured or killed 45. Our forces are on the offensive, leading over 1,600 patrols a day, and conducting an average of 180 raids every week. We are dealing with these thugs in Iraq, just as surely as we dealt with Saddam Hussein's evil regime.

BC: And if you think Americans' rights have been trampled consider what is being done to millions of unoffending people in Iraq.

GWB: The work of building a new Iraq is hard, and it is right.

BC: Well, it is right-wing. I'll give you that.

GWB: And America has always been willing to do what it takes for what is right.

BC: What he means is if you don't shut up and go along with our reactionary madness, we will question your patriotism and common decency.

GWB: Last January, Iraq's only law was the whim of one brutal man.

BC:Now it has no law at all.

GWB: Today our coalition is working with the Iraqi Governing Council to draft a basic law, with a bill of rights.

BC: Since you are no longer using the US Bill of Rights perhaps you could give it to the Iraqis.

GWB: We are working with Iraqis and the United Nations to prepare for a transition to full Iraqi sovereignty by the end of June.

BC: You know why? Because US elections are in the beginning of November and W is running out of lipstick for this pig.

GWB: As democracy takes hold in Iraq, the enemies of freedom will do all in their power to spread violence and fear. They are trying to shake the will of our country and our friends -- but the United States of America will never be intimidated by thugs and assassins.

BC: Really, then why did you hightail it to Nebraska on 9/11?

GWB: The killers will fail, and the Iraqi people will live in freedom.

BC: All because one little unelected man had the guts it took to make sweeping, ridiculous promises.

GWB: Month by month, Iraqis are assuming more responsibility for their own security and their own future.

BC: New cemeteries are popping up all over Iraq and will provide a secure future for thousands of victims of the security that has been imposed upon them.

GWB: And tonight we are honored to welcome one of Iraq's most respected leaders: the current President of the Iraqi Governing Council, Adnan Pachachi. Sir, America stands with you and the Iraqi people as you build a free and peaceful nation.

BC: Now there's a guy who will never be able to get his insurance renewed.

GWB: Because of American leadership and resolve, the world is changing for the better.

BC: Megalomaniacal poppycock.

GWB: Last month, the leader of Libya voluntarily pledged to disclose and dismantle all of his regime's weapons of mass destruction programs,

BC: He said the magic words but only after burying them deeper in the speech than any cave Osama bin Laden occupies.

GWB: including a uranium enrichment project for nuclear weapons. Colonel Qadhafi correctly judged that his country would be better off, and far more secure, without weapons of mass murder.

BC: How about following his sane lead, W?

GWB: Nine months of intense negotiations involving the United States and Great Britain succeeded with Libya, while 12 years of diplomacy with Iraq did not. And one reason is clear:

BC: Yeah, Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction to give up!

GWB: For diplomacy to be effective, words must be credible -- and no one can now doubt the word of America.

BC: Except when it comes to things like honoring treaties or the testimony of its secretary of state before the UN.

GWB:Different threats require different strategies.

BC: And different strategies require different threats. For example: you threaten us with terrorism via color-coded hysteria to con us into giving up our civil liberties with your PATRIOT Act gambit. You silence whistle blowers by outing a CIA agent to keep any sane questioning of dangerous policies from reaching the general public. You punish longtime allies for not participating in your needless war through harsh economic maneuvering meant to scare other nations into compliance. Such flexibility!

GWB:Along with nations in the region, we are insisting that North Korea eliminate its nuclear program.

BC: In which region? Does this mean you are insisting China divest itself of its nuclear program? If so, why don't you set a good example and do the same?

GWB:America and the international community are demanding that Iran meet its commitments and not develop nuclear weapons. America is committed to keeping the world's most dangerous weapons out of the hands of the world's most dangerous regimes.

BC: Despot, heal thyself!

GWB: When I came to this rostrum on September 20th, 2001, I brought the police shield of a fallen officer,

BC: Which, it turns out, was wrested from the hands of the grief-stricken widow. And it was the exact same stunt your old man pulled years earlier in New York. If you'd read some Jimmy Breslin, you'd know that you had already been exposed on this cynical sham.

GWB:my reminder of lives that ended, and a task that does not end.

BC: Yeah but the task is to save lives, not end them. You are apparently fighting a losing battle with dyslexia on this front.

GWB:I gave to you and to all Americans my complete commitment to securing our country and defeating our enemies.

BC: And today America has many more new enemies than it did on that day when we were the focus of worldwide compassion and sympathy. Nice going, W!

GWB:And this pledge, given by one, has been kept by many. You in the Congress have provided the resources for our defense, and cast the difficult votes of war and peace. Our closest allies have been unwavering.

BC: This is a nice way of saying that in the court of world opinion, we could no longer find twelve jurors even willing to consider your nonsensical and violent case.

GWB: America's intelligence personnel and diplomats have been skilled and tireless.

BC: More "greatest country in the land" bullshit.

GWB: And the men and women of the American military -- they have taken the hardest duty.

BC: While Halliburton has taken the obscene profits. We all have to do our part.

GWB:We have seen their skill and courage in armored charges, and midnight raids, and lonely hours on faithful watch.

BC: But when their caskets return home, we see nothing, per your order.

GWB: We have seen the joy when they return, and felt the sorrow when one is lost.

BC: How about those who have returned wounded to subhuman conditions and medical mistreatment in places like Fort Stewart, Georgia?

GWB:I have had the honor of meeting our servicemen and women at many posts, from the deck of a carrier in the Pacific,

BC: Mission Accomplished -- now everyone knows how what a vapid fraud you are!

GWB: to a mess hall in Baghdad.

BC: Where you arrived cloaked in more darkness than can be found in any thousand spider holes.

GWB: Many of our troops are listening tonight. And I want you and your families to know: America is proud of you. And my Administration, and this Congress, will give you the resources you need to fight and win the war on terror.

BC: Offer does not include Kevlar vests or proper amounts of water. Support for troops void in all sectors when they leave the service and become veterans.

GWB: I know that some people question if America is really in a war at all.

BC: Technically speaking, it's a quagmire.

GWB: They view terrorism more as a crime -- a problem to be solved mainly with law enforcement and indictments. After the World Trade Center was first attacked in 1993, some of the guilty were indicted, tried, convicted, and sent to prison. But the matter was not settled.

BC: But it is now because you have chosen to engulf a region in war over your lust for oil? Spare us, you hollow little man.

GWB:The terrorists were still training and plotting in other nations, and drawing up more ambitious plans. After the chaos and carnage of September 11th, it is not enough to serve our enemies with legal papers. The terrorists and their supporters declared war on the United States -- and war is what they got.

BC: But your kids didn't get the war, poor people's kids did. And Saddam had nothing to do with 9/11-- nothing. Future terrorist attacks may well have everything to do with your assault upon Iraq. You are a pitiful fraud, George W. Bush.

GWB: Some in this chamber, and in our country, did not support the liberation of Iraq.

BC: I have always been for the liberation of Iraq. Your war was not the way to do it and that becomes clearer each day.

GWB: Objections to war often come from principled motives. But let us be candid about the consequences of leaving Saddam Hussein in power. We are seeking all the facts -- already the Kay Report identified dozens of weapons of mass destruction-related program activities

BC: The claims are getting vaguer and more and more qualified, aren't they?

GWB: and significant amounts of equipment that Iraq concealed from the United Nations.

BC: Just last week we found an entire tool shed full of rakes!

GWB: Had we failed to act, the dictator's weapons of mass destruction programs would continue to this day.

BC: Had you failed to act there'd have been no more than the zero such weapons Saddam had. Give it up!

GWB: Had we failed to act, Security Council resolutions on Iraq would have been revealed as empty threats, weakening the United Nations

BC: And we know how that would pain you and your band of New Centurions.

GWB:and encouraging defiance by dictators around the world. Iraq's torture chambers would still be filled with victims -- terrified and innocent. The killing fields of Iraq -- where hundreds of thousands of men, women, and children vanished into the sands --

BC: Many of whom disappeared as the result of your own father's assault on that nation-- or were there no mass graves from that war?

GWB: would still be known only to the killers. For all who love freedom and peace, the world without Saddam Hussein's regime is a better and safer place.

BC: We're glad he's gone but the world is much less safe because of your near unilateral method of driving him from power.And your retrofitted rationales for war don't make the deceit you used to start it any less serious an offense.

GWB: Some critics have said our duties in Iraq must be internationalized. This particular criticism is hard to explain to our partners in Britain, Australia, Japan, South Korea, the Philippines, Thailand, Italy, Spain, Poland, Denmark, Hungary, Bulgaria, Ukraine, Romania, the Netherlands, Norway, El Salvador, and the 17 other countries that have committed troops to Iraq.

BC: By my count there are exactly ZERO Middle Eastern countries on that list.

BC: We need to get the provocative presence of US troops out of Iraq. And the vast majority of troops in that country are American. Cut the bullshit.

GWB: As we debate at home, we must never ignore the vital contributions of our international partners, or dismiss their sacrifices.

BC: I notice and bum out every time I hear of any casualties in the war you needlessly fomented.

GWB:From the beginning, America has sought international support for operations in Afghanistan and Iraq, and we have gained much support. There is a difference, however, between leading a coalition of many nations, and submitting to the objections of a few.

BC: A FEW??? Wow, he is either completely delusional or the world's most callous liar. George Bush and Tony Blair decided to attack Iraq and then they did it. Others came along for a variety of cynical political purposes but this war has not been waged at the will of the world's people. It has been waged against it.

GWB: America will never seek a permission slip to defend the security of our people.

BC: Yes but it will be happy to put uncounted foreigners in detention hall with little or no due process.

GWB: We also hear doubts that democracy is a realistic goal for the greater Middle East, where freedom is rare. Yet it is mistaken, and condescending, to assume that whole cultures and great religions are incompatible with liberty and self-government.

BC: To W, self- government means government by me, myself and my cronies.

GWB:I believe that God has planted in every heart the desire to live in freedom.

BC: Oh great, just what the Middle East needs-- another religious zealot.

GWB: And even when that desire is crushed by tyranny for decades, it will rise again.

BC: Sometimes it can even rise after just four awful years.

GWB: As long as the Middle East remains a place of tyranny, despair, and anger, it will continue to produce men and movements that threaten the safety of America and our friends.

BC: So get out and take your portions of tyranny, despair and anger with you.

GWB: So America is pursuing a forward strategy of freedom in the greater Middle East. We will challenge the enemies of reform, confront the allies of terror, and expect a higher standard from our friends. To cut through the barriers of hateful propaganda, the Voice of America and other broadcast services are expanding their programming in Arabic and Persian -- and soon, a new television service will begin providing reliable news and information across the region.

BC: Somewhere, Rupert Murdoch is boning up on his Farsi.

GWB: I will send you a proposal to double the budget of the National Endowment for Democracy, and to focus its new work on the development of free elections, free markets, free press, and free labor unions in the Middle East.

BC: Might as well send them to the Middle East before such ideas take hold and do you in at home.

GWB: And above all, we will finish the historic work of democracy in Afghanistan and Iraq, so those nations can light the way for others, and help transform a troubled part of the world.

BC: Sadly, the only light that those nations will bring to the rest of the world will be that cast by the flash of incendiary devices as they are detonated.

GWB:America is a Nation with a mission -- and that mission comes from our most basic beliefs. We have no desire to dominate, no ambitions of empire.

BC: Tell it to Paul Wolfowitz.

GWB: Our aim is a democratic peace -- a peace founded upon the dignity and rights of every man and woman. America acts in this cause with friends and allies at our side, yet we understand our special calling: This great Republic will lead the cause of freedom.

BC: It will if it can overcome electronic election-rigging next fall.

GWB: In these last three years, adversity has also revealed the fundamental strengths of the American economy. We have come through recession, and terrorist attack, and corporate scandals, and the uncertainties of war. And because you acted to stimulate our economy with tax relief, this economy is strong, and growing stronger.

BC: And the stench is killing us.

GWB: You have doubled the child tax credit from 500 to a thousand dollars, reduced the marriage penalty, begun to phase out the death tax, reduced taxes on capital gains and stock dividends, cut taxes on small businesses, and you have lowered taxes for every American who pays income taxes.

BC: (offer not applicable to middle class working people in the continental United States or Alaska or Hawaii)

GWB:Americans took those dollars and put them to work, driving this economy forward. The pace of economic growth in the third quarter of 2003 was the fastest in nearly 20 years. New home construction: the highest in almost 20 years. Home ownership rates: the highest ever. Manufacturing activity is increasing. Inflation is low. Interest rates are low. Exports are growing. Productivity is high. And jobs are on the rise.

BC: Yes, rising at the aforementioned rate of one thousand per month.

GWB:These numbers confirm that the American people are using their money far better than government would have -- and you were right to return it.

BC: New summer home starts are up 800%! Two Humvees in every garage!

GWB:America's growing economy is also a changing economy. As technology transforms the way almost every job is done, America becomes more productive, and workers need new skills.

BC: Yes, like foraging for edible roots.

GWB: Much of our job growth will be found in high-skilled fields like health care and biotechnology.

BC: Finding new and better treatments from which to deprive Americans.

GWB: So we must respond by helping more Americans gain the skills to find good jobs in our new economy.

BC: The first job we must learn to do is that of getting our fellow Americans to register and vote you out of office. Then there will be more real jobs for everyone.

GWB: All skills begin with the basics of reading and math, which are supposed to be learned in the early grades of our schools. Yet for too long, for too many children, those skills were never mastered.

BC: For example: the entire state of Florida still is incapable of counting votes.

GWB:By passing the No Child Left Behind Act, you have made the expectation of literacy the law of our country.

BC: Too bad the Supremacist Court doesn't expect the same of our presidents.

GWB: We are providing more funding for our schools -- a 36 percent increase since 2001. We are requiring higher standards. We are regularly testing every child on the fundamentals. We are reporting results to parents, and making sure they have better options when schools are not performing. We are making progress toward excellence for every child.

BC: You are doing all you can to undermine public schools and promote bible-thumping indoctrination institutes while acting as if it is an act of altruism.

GWB: But the status quo always has defenders.

BC: When the status quo means maintaining the separation of church and state, you bet it does!

GWB: Some want to undermine the No Child Left Behind Act by weakening standards and accountability. Yet the results we require are really a matter of common sense: We expect third graders to read and do math at third grade level -- and that is not asking too much.

BC: If only they had such standards when W was in the third grade.

GWB:Testing is the only way to identify and help students who are falling behind.

BC: Which is also why we need presidents who are willing to sit and answer questions and follow-ups to questions rather than just appearing at orchestrated press conferences and phony events like the SOTU address.

GWB: This Nation will not go back to the days of simply shuffling children along from grade to grade without them learning the basics. I refuse to give up on any child -- and the No Child Left Behind Act is opening the door of opportunity to all of America's children.

BC: Of course the door of the private schools Bush is funding rarely is handicapped accessible but who cares about leaving children in wheelchairs behind at public schools that have been impoverished by a drain of their funds to schools run by fundamentalist whack jobs?

GWB: At the same time, we must ensure that older students and adults can gain the skills they need to find work now.

BC: For instance, galley ship drumming is an oft-overlooked opportunity.

GWB: Many of the fastest-growing occupations require strong math and science preparation, and training beyond the high school level. So tonight I propose a series of measures called Jobs for the 21st Century.

BC: With pay from the19th century. It's the only way a business can compete in the age of globalization.

GWB: This program will provide extra help to middle- and high school students who fall behind in reading and math, expand Advanced Placement programs in low-income schools, and invite math and science professionals from the private sector to teach part-time in our high schools. I propose larger Pell Grants for students who prepare for college with demanding courses in high school. I propose increasing our support for America's fine community colleges, so they can train workers for the industries that are creating the most new jobs. By all these actions, we will help more and more Americans to join in the growing prosperity of our country.

He'll propose this stuff but the money needed to implement it will still end up in Halliburton's vault.

GWB: Job training is important, and so is job creation. We must continue to pursue an aggressive, pro-growth economic agenda.

BC: The only economically-related things that are growing that matter to average people are unemployment lines.

GWB: Congress has some unfinished business on the issue of taxes. The tax reductions you passed are set to expire. Unless you act, the unfair tax on marriage will go back up. Unless you act, millions of families will be charged 300 dollars more in Federal taxes for every child. Unless you act, small businesses will pay higher taxes. Unless you act, the death tax will eventually come back to life. Unless you act, Americans face a tax increase. What the Congress has given, the Congress should not take away: For the sake of job growth, the tax cuts you passed should be permanent.

BC: Unless you act the ultra-wealthy will actually have to pay taxes on the interest they accrue each year from the mountains of moolah they have begotten from squeezing the life out of working people.

GWB:Our agenda for jobs and growth must help small business owners and employees with relief from needless Federal regulation, and protect them from junk and frivolous lawsuits.

BC: Yes, let's return to the god old days when the local water supply was downstream from the tannery. But remember, we must keep frivolous lawsuits protected when they are used to fiscally eviscerate progressive organizations.

GWB:Consumers and businesses need reliable supplies of energy to make our economy run -- so I urge you to pass legislation to modernize our electricity system, promote conservation, and make America less dependent on foreign sources of energy.

BC: That is why tonight I propose to name Iraq the 51st state. Oh wait, that's for next year's speech.

GWB: My Administration is promoting free and fair trade, to open up new markets for America's entrepreneurs, and manufacturers, and farmers, and to create jobs for America's workers.

BC: Working in locked-down Walmarts stocking shelves with goods made by virtual slave laborers for 12¢ an hour in China.

GWB: Younger workers should have the opportunity to build a nest egg by saving part of their Social Security taxes in a personal retirement account. We should make the Social Security system a source of ownership for the American people.

BC: Ahh, here we go. That Social Security fund is much too big to resist for Bush's flimflam artists .

GWB: And we should limit the burden of government on this economy by acting as good stewards of taxpayer dollars.

BC: Biblical lingo from a man who is much more the legitimate head of the Religious Right than of the American government.

GWB: In two weeks, I will send you a budget that funds the war, protects the homeland, and meets important domestic needs, while limiting the growth in discretionary spending to less than four percent.

BC: In very particular order!

GWB: This will require that Congress focus on priorities, cut wasteful spending, and be wise with the people's money. By doing so, we can cut the deficit in half over the next five years.

BC: Ah yes, that "be wise with people's money" edict should be all that it takes to stop your bullet train of deficit spending from hurtling us into fiscal calamity. You came up with that one just in time!

GWB: Tonight I also ask you to reform our immigration laws, so they reflect our values and benefit our economy. I propose a new temporary worker program to match willing foreign workers with willing employers, when no Americans can be found to fill the job.

BC: We will need slaves for the galley ships or all those drummers will be out of work!

GWB: This reform will be good for our economy -- because employers will find needed workers in an honest and orderly system.

BC: Yes, it's time we made it legal to exploit immigrant labor.

GWB: A temporary worker program will help protect our homeland -- allowing border patrol and law enforcement to focus on true threats to our national security. I oppose amnesty, because it would encourage further illegal immigration, and unfairly reward those who break our laws. My temporary worker program will preserve the citizenship path for those who respect the law, while bringing millions of hardworking men and women out from the shadows of American life.

BC: And clear up a lot of embarrassing tax problems concerning the help around the mansion!

GWB: Our Nation's health care system, like our economy, is also in a time of change. Amazing medical technologies are improving and saving lives. This dramatic progress has brought its own challenge, in the rising costs of medical care and health insurance. Members of Congress, we must work together to help control those costs and extend the benefits of modern medicine throughout our country.

In word always and in deed never.

GWB: Meeting these goals requires bipartisan effort -- and two months ago, you showed the way. By strengthening Medicare and adding a prescription drug benefit, you kept a basic commitment to our seniors: You are giving them the modern medicine they deserve.

BC: Even though those increased bills for life-sustaining medication are a bitter pill to swallow for impoverished elderly Americans.

GWB: Starting this year, under the law you passed, seniors can choose to receive a drug discount card, saving them 10 to 25 percent off the retail price of most prescription drugs -- and millions of low-income seniors can get an additional 600 dollars to buy medicine.

BC: The Columbia Record Club offers a better deal than this scam.

GWB: Beginning next year, seniors will have new coverage for preventive screenings against diabetes and heart disease, and seniors just entering Medicare can receive wellness exams.

BC: They can receive them but we will make them jump through so many hoops that many will just break their hips and die before reaching eligibility.

GWB: In January of 2006, seniors can get prescription drug coverage under Medicare. For a monthly premium of about 35 dollars, most seniors who do not have that coverage today can expect to see their drug bills cut roughly in half.

While the taxpayer pays the full list price for pharmaceuticals that cost a fraction as much in the rest of the world.

GWB: Under this reform, senior citizens will be able to keep their Medicare just as it is, or they can choose a Medicare plan that fits them best -- just as you, as Members of Congress, can choose an insurance plan that meets your needs. And starting this year, millions of Americans will be able to save money tax-free for their medical expenses, in a health savings account.

BC: We need single- payer national health care, not a this Three Card Monte scam of a plan.

GWB: I signed this measure proudly, and any attempt to limit the choices of our seniors, or to take away their prescription drug coverage under Medicare, will meet my veto.

BC: As will any real plan that uses the vast bargaining power of the federal government to get fairer prices for all while reducing obscene and immoral profiteering by the insurance, medical and pharmaceutical special interests.

GWB:On the critical issue of health care, our goal is to ensure that Americans can choose and afford private health care coverage that best fits their individual needs. To make insurance more affordable, Congress must act to address rapidly rising health care costs. Small businesses should be able to band together and negotiate for lower insurance rates, so they can cover more workers with health insurance -- I urge you to pass Association Health Plans. I ask you to give lower-income Americans a refundable tax credit that would allow millions to buy their own basic health insurance. By computerizing health records, we can avoid dangerous medical mistakes, reduce costs, and improve care.

BC: But mostly it will make it easier for insurance scum to pull up records and employ the "pre-existing condition" alibi to justify the denial of vital treatments.

GWB:To protect the doctor-patient relationship, and keep good doctors doing good work, we must eliminate wasteful and frivolous medical lawsuits. And tonight I propose that individuals who buy catastrophic health care coverage, as part of our new health savings accounts, be allowed to deduct 100 percent of the premiums from their taxes.

BC: Yes, let's help out that poor AMA. But if union nurses are getting screwed over while doing the vast amount of the grimmest work in the health care field, we will put the full might of the Oval Office behind busting those unions.

GWB:A government-run health care system is the wrong prescription.

BC: A lameass spewer of bad metaphors is a crappy leader.

GWB: By keeping costs under control, expanding access, and helping more Americans afford coverage, we will preserve the system of private medicine that makes America's health care the best in the world.

BC: And preserve the system that has made health care inaccessible to 43 million Americans and next to useless to millions more whose health plans charge more and more money for less and less service.

GWB: We are living in a time of great change -- in our world, in our economy, and in science and medicine. Yet some things endure -- courage and compassion, reverence and integrity, respect for differences of faith and race. The values we try to live by never change. And they are instilled in us by fundamental institutions, such as families, and schools, and religious congregations. These institutions -- the unseen pillars of civilization -- must remain strong in America, and we will defend them.

BC: Psst, sneak Pickering in while I have them distracted with this hogwash!

GWB: We must stand with our families to help them raise healthy, responsible children. And when it comes to helping children make right choices, there is work for all of us to do.

BC: There is going to be a severe platitude shortage when this speech ends.

GWB: One of the worst decisions our children can make is to gamble their lives and futures on drugs.

BC: Yes but it is understandable when kids have parents like you or your cruddy bro in Florida.

GWB: Our government is helping parents confront this problem, with aggressive education, treatment, and law enforcement. Drug use in high school has declined by 11 percent over the past two years.

BC: Whaddya bet high school enrollment has declined twelve percent?

GWB: Four hundred thousand fewer young people are using illegal drugs than in the year 2001.

BC: Like Rush Limbaugh, they have switched to prescription buzzes.

GWB: In my budget, I have proposed new funding to continue our aggressive, community-based strategy to reduce demand for illegal drugs. Drug testing in our schools has proven to be an effective part of this effort. So tonight I propose an additional 23 million dollars for schools that want to use drug testing as a tool to save children's lives. The aim here is not to punish children, but to send them this message: We love you, and we don't want to lose you.

And next we will tattoo the kids so they have a constant reminder of our love.

GWB:To help children make right choices, they need good examples.

BC: We plan to set one in November by running an abject hypocrite from office.

GWB: Athletics play such an important role in our society, but, unfortunately, some in professional sports are not setting much of an example. The use of performance-enhancing drugs like steroids in baseball, football, and other sports is dangerous, and it sends the wrong message -- that there are shortcuts to accomplishment, and that performance is more important than character. So tonight I call on team owners, union representatives, coaches, and players to take the lead, to send the right signal, to get tough, and to get rid of steroids now.

BC: How about expanding this to an area that really matters -- police departments? They are full of 'roid-raging lunatics.

GWB: To encourage right choices, we must be willing to confront the dangers young people face -- even when they are difficult to talk about. Each year, about three million teenagers contract sexually transmitted diseases that can harm them, or kill them, or prevent them from ever becoming parents. In my budget, I propose a grassroots campaign to help inform families about these medical risks. We will double Federal funding for abstinence programs, so schools can teach this fact of life: Abstinence for young people is the only certain way to avoid sexually transmitted diseases. Decisions children make now can affect their health and character for the rest of their lives. All of us -- parents, schools, government -- must work together to counter the negative influence of the culture, and to send the right messages to our children.

BC: Repressive Religious Right Agenda goal number one. Sex is dirty, dirty, dirty and bad, unless of course it is inflicted upon a child by a leader of a bible study group.

GWB: A strong America must also value the institution of marriage. I believe we should respect individuals as we take a principled stand for one of the most fundamental, enduring institutions of our civilization. Congress has already taken a stand on this issue by passing the Defense of Marriage Act, signed in 1996 by President Clinton. That statute protects marriage under Federal law as the union of a man and a woman, and declares that one state may not redefine marriage for other states. Activist judges, however, have begun redefining marriage by court order, without regard for the will of the people and their elected representatives. On an issue of such great consequence, the people's voice must be heard. If judges insist on forcing their arbitrary will upon the people, the only alternative left to the people would be the constitutional process. Our Nation must defend the sanctity of marriage.

BC: Our nation must run thinly-veiled homophobic twits like you from power. We have had marriage for thousands of years without devoting a branch of government to it. Shut up and go away, you creepy little man.

GWB: The outcome of this debate is important -- and so is the way we conduct it. The same moral tradition that defines marriage also teaches that each individual has dignity and value in God's sight.

BC: They are clinging to this hollow remark for dear life in the Log Cabin Club.

GWB: It is also important to strengthen our communities by unleashing the compassion of America's religious institutions.

BC: Unleashing compassion? Only if it's not frothing!

GWB: Religious charities of every creed are doing some of the most vital work in our country -- mentoring children, feeding the hungry, taking the hand of the lonely. Yet government has often denied social service grants and contracts to these groups, just because they have a cross or Star of David or crescent on the wall. By Executive Order, I have opened billions of dollars in grant money to competition that includes faith-based charities. Tonight I ask you to codify this into law, so people of faith can know that the law will never discriminate against them again.

BC: This is about as un-American as it gets. We will never again have the separation of church and state unless this man is run from stolen office. All people of good faith need to get out and register voters who must then soundly defeat George W. Bush or this dangerous agenda will grow until church and state are fully integrated.

GWB: In the past, we have worked together to bring mentors to the children of prisoners, and provide treatment for the addicted, and help for the homeless. Tonight I ask you to consider another group of Americans in need of help. This year, some 600,000 inmates will be released from prison back into society. We know from long experience that if they can't find work, or a home, or help, they are much more likely to commit more crimes and return to prison. So tonight, I propose a four-year, 300 million dollar Prisoner Re-Entry Initiative to expand job training and placement services, to provide transitional housing, and to help newly released prisoners get mentoring, including from faith-based groups. America is the land of the second chance -- and when the gates of the prison open, the path ahead should lead to a better life.

BC: One guy from Enron goes to jail and suddenly Bush wants to help prisoners.

GWB: For all Americans, the last three years have brought tests we did not ask for, and achievements shared by all. By our actions, we have shown what kind of Nation we are. In grief, we found the grace to go on. In challenge, we rediscovered the courage and daring of a free people. In victory, we have shown the noble aims and good heart of America. And having come this far, we sense that we live in a time set apart.

BC: Oh it's set apart, that's for sure. We probably will need to quarantine it before you are through.

GWB: I have been a witness to the character of the American people, who have shown calm in times of danger, compassion for one another, and toughness for the long haul. All of us have been partners in a great enterprise. And even some of the youngest understand that we are living in historic times. Last month a girl in Lincoln, Rhode Island, sent me a letter. It began, "Dear George W. Bush." "If there is anything you know, I Ashley Pearson age 10 can do to help anyone, please send me a letter and tell me what I can do to save our country." She added this P.S.: "If you can send a letter to the troops -- please put, 'Ashley Pearson believes in you.'"

Tonight, Ashley, your message to our troops has just been conveyed. And yes, you have some duties yourself. Study hard in school, listen to your mom and dad, help someone in need, and when you and your friends see a man or woman in uniform, say "thank you." And while you do your part, all of us here in this great chamber will do our best to keep you and the rest of America safe and free.

BC: If Father Knows Best had been this hokey, it wouldn't have lasted one season. If you care about the troops, bring them home, tend to their emotional and physical wounds and provide them with genuine opportunities. If you don't do that, and you won't, then you don't really care about them. And you don't and never did, Mr. Court-appointed President.

GWB: My fellow citizens, we now move forward, with confidence and faith. Our Nation is strong and steadfast. The cause we serve is right, because it is the cause of all mankind. The momentum of freedom in our world is unmistakable -- and it is not carried forward by our power alone. We can trust in that greater power Who guides the unfolding of the years. And in all that is to come, we can know that His purposes are just and true.

May God bless the United States of America. Thank you.

BC: My God bless the United States of America by making this your final State of the Union address.

2003-12-30T08:36:00.000-05:00

CrimQuips 12/30/03

Commentary by Barry Crimmins

http://www.barrycrimmins.com

Former New Jersey Republican Governor Thomas Kean, the chairman of the so-called Independent Inquiry Into 9/11, says that had available intelligence information been properly utilized, the 2001 terror attacks were preventable. If he thinks pre-9/11 intelligence was poorly utilized, he should consider how little intelligence we have used since then.

Besides, had 9-11 been avoided there'd have been even fewer phony reasons for attacking Iraq.

In fairness, it should be remembered that the court-appointed Bush administration had the blueprint for needless war with Iraq in place long before 9/11. So let's be careful about pointing fingers!

In fact the blueprint for needless war with Iraq was in place even before the Bushists drew up plans for stealing the 2000 election. Talk about preparedness!

Back-peddling from the implications of his remarks, Kean said, "We're going to avoid a rush to judgment." Rough translation: Hey, I'm a good Republican. Rest assured I'll do all I can to keep the details from leaking before November 2004.

A certain radio commentator called Kean and privately pleaded for him to stop using the words "rush" and "judgment" in the same sentence.

It's official! The "Freedom Tower" will fill the physical void left behind by the destroyed World Trade Center structures. It is named in memory of all the civil liberties that have been assassinated by the court-appointed Bush administration since 9/11.

The Freedom Tower will be 1,776 feet tall, including plenty of residential space because people just love to move their families to the sites of horrific tragedies.

The pricing will be unique for skyscrapers: the higher the floor, the lower the rent.

Finally, some affordable housing in Manhattan!

Instead of a posh restaurant on the top floor, there'll be a Burger King.

The Muzak on the elevators will only play songs by Toby Keith, Hank Williams Jr. and Lee Greenwood.

After 100 or so stories of "I'm Proud to be an American,"you'll be ready to face anything.

And you thought the Target Center was in Minneapolis.

You have to hope that the obviously hurting Saddam Hussein has not been prescribed Oxycontin by the military medicos. The painkiller, known to cause deluded, nonstop yammering in fascists, would render any interrogation of Hussein useless.

Reports that Kurds actually captured and drugged Saddam Hussein, leaving him as a sitting duck/spider for American troops have been well-reported internationally but have been scarcer than decent motives in the new Medicare bill in the US corporate media.

Apparently, Saddam's capture was nothing more than the result of a "canned hunt" on a Kurdish game farm.

Canned hunts are how all those manly Texas "sportsmen" bag tigers in Amarillo or El Paso. The creatures live in a fenced in compound, hand-fed by humans from infancy until one day Bungalow Bubba pulls up in his SUV and serves the unsuspecting kitty a double-barrelled lunch.

This time the intrepid Texans came back with the head of a genuine eight-point freedom hater.

Considering all the years the US hand-fed Saddam, it really is kind of embarrassing that he ended up on a Kurdish canned hunt compound.

Capturing the former despot in no way evened the 9-11 score -- conspiracy freaks have made more plausible links between the White House and those hateful attacks than Bush ever made between Hussein and the al Qaeda killers.

Does anyone actually believe that only a million or so dollars was seized along with Saddam? In all likelihood there's already several lawn and leaf sized diplomatic pouches labeled: Karl Rove -- White House-- Deliver Before November 2004.

Somewhere Osama bin Laden may already be sitting in a spider hole that's also labeled: Karl Rove -- White House-- Deliver Before November 2004.

A Saddam Hussein trial would establish an uncomfortable precedent for all of the uncharged prisoners the US is holding in Guantanamo. And how about all the Middle Easterners who've been rounded up in INS sweeps? Don't they deserve as fair a shake as that received by a known mass murderer?

The USA: We always get our dictator --sometimes from spider holes, sometimes from Supreme Court rulings.

We can breathe a sigh of relief now that the selection of our national CEO will no longer hinge on a game of hide and seek with a homeless ex-dictator. It will pivot on larger issues, like terrorist-baiting, gay-bashing (anything for the cause, eh, Karl?) and fear-mongering.

Look at the bright side -- if the war miraculously ends and all the soldiers come home, the court-appointed Bush administration's goal of full unemployment will be easily reached.

The troops best bring back plenty of Iraqi crude because when the "jobless recovery" combines with hand over fist deficit spending and unconscionable tax cuts for the wealthy, it will be tough to keep up with the demand for all the oil required to grease America's economic skids.

In retrospect, W's photo-op with a plastic turkey during his layover in Baghdad on Thanksgiving wasn't much of a surprise. Birds of a feather...

Considering the disproportionate amount of precious water that's diverted for the nutritionally inefficient crop of cattle, this mad cow outbreak puts the West's suspect agricultural priorities even further up the river.

This could be a good sign-- first the cows get mad -- then the people.

Historical Note: When first warned about the likelihood of a mad cow disease outbreak, W plunged his head into the exact same hill of sand Ronald Reagan used when he was first cautioned about AIDS.

Carnage Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has suggested that the US act quickly in the aftermath of the deadly Iranian earthquake and finish the job nature began by leveling any buildings left standing by the tumbler.

What do you bet W's investigation into Halliburton's gas price-gouging in Iraq will identify the failure to open the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve to oil drilling as the real culprit?

Of course the domestic media would break the real story of Saddam's capture if only it wouldn't distract us from the Code Orange Terror Warning, which was put in place to distract us from the truth about Saddam's canned capture in the first place.

Considering how screwing up New Year celebrations with color-coded alarmism has become an annual event perhaps Tom Rigid should become the permanent co-host of Dick Clark's Rocking New Year's Eve!

The way the court-appointed Bush Administration sees it, when it comes to the facts concerning the Iraqi Quagmire: Repression is the better part of valor.

***
POX Americana, my 2004 Year in Review piece, came out in the Boston Phonix on Christmas Eve, a news night so overlooked that it's generally reserved for Republican legislative initiatives. If you saw it and liked it please send it along to others and to websites that reprint progressive columns. Thanks. BC

http://www.bostonphoenix.com/boston/news_features/talking_politics/documents/03465390.asp

2003-12-01T11:37:00.000-05:00

CrimQuips 11/30/03

Commentary by Barry Crimmins

http://www.barrycrimmins.com

I am extremely busy writing the year in review and working on some revisions of my upcoming book so quips will remain scarce for the balance of the year. --BC

Happy 168th Birthday Samuel Langhorne Clemens.

***

When did Ed McMahon and Dick Clark become the executive producers of Bush's personal appearance schedule?

What's Bush do next? Play a wacky trick on celebrity governor Arnold Shckelgroper?

"Look at yourself captured on our secret cameras, Arnold, you really thought she was going to press charges, didn't you?"

"Ya, W gott me goot dat time!"

The methods employed on Bush's Baghdad trip were nothing new for him -- he's been flying with the lights out for years.

Besides, vampires always operate under the cover of darkness.

Rumor has it that the landing gear for Bush's plane included training wheels.

How in hell did they get an aircraft carrier into Baghdad is the real question.

***

Bush didn't visit Iraq so much as have a layover there.

It would be like you or I making a connection at O'Hare and then bragging about how we really got a chance to know Chicago.

"And here's a picture of me with the skycaps who are synonymous with the Windy City."

"Wow! Chicago is just full of duty-free shops and there are news kiosks everywhere!"

"Many of the older natives travel by golf cart."

***

The biggest danger of a daylight mission for Bush would have been that he'd have seen for himself that there are no weapons of mass destruction.

Considering her visits to Afghanistan and Iraq (not layovers, mind you, but actual visits!) Hillary Clinton is Audie Murphy compared to Bush.

If Bush were so damned heroic, he'd have visited a field hospital.

But then, if Bush were heroic, there'd be no need for field hospitals.

The court-appointed prez has inspired many young Americans to emulate his courageous act. Armed services recruiting offices have been flooded with volunteers to take deluxe, catered, private flights to Iraq that: arrive under the cover of night, take part in ceremonies in their honor and then get the hell out before dawn.

Next year Bush plans to make a truly daredevil mission-- he's going to return to Iraq while daylight savings is in effect.

Bush's jet to Baghdad is quickly becoming a led balloon.

The footage of W's airport visit provides the US with some propaganda to counter all of those Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein tapes that keep turning up on Al Jazeera.

The average National Guardsman/woman stationed in Iraq spends more time waiting in line to use a pay phone than Bush spent in-country.

If traveling in the dark makes you a hero then millions of Iraqis have been heroes for most of the time since last March.

Whenever Bush makes one of these stunt appearances he has but one steadfast companion by his side: the hokey stench of Karl Rove.

A big sign that hangs in Rove's office says: MISSION ACCOMPLICE

How many non-photo-op soldiers ended up pulling mysterious Thanksgiving duty because of the increased security demands of W's visit? I bet they sure had a special holiday.

Of course the airport troops were happy to see Bush. They knew so long as he was there they were in the one safe spot in Baghdad.

I flew to Madison, Wisconsin last month and ran into more than 600 troops -- and that was just at the security checkpoints.

When they smuggled that heinous medicare bill past us under cover of night, Rove decided that Bush's touch and go visit to Baghdad just might work.

With all the traveling he's done lately, W is really piling up the frequent liar miles.

Bush hasn't done anything this glorious since he helped take San Diego last May.

"Psst.... Hail the conquering hero. Pass it on."

Nobody has full-time work anymore, not even wartime soldiers. Consider all the National Guard units involved in the Iraqi Quagmire. The American military has gone from Kelly's Rangers to Kelly Girls.

2003-11-21T21:30:00.000-05:00

CrimQuips 11/21/03

Commentary by Barry Crimmins

http://www.barrycrimmins.com

Distribute Freely- Aggravate them!

I have been sick for a few weeks and have finally rallied to get some quips out. Sorry for my absence. -- Barry

Why is it that more compromised W becomes, the less capable he becomes of compromise?

Last winter, when millions of Americans said they'd support our troops, they weren't expecting they'd have to do it six people at a time.

"Operation Iron Hammer" is the name the US military has given its new crackdown on Iraqi insurgents. Excuse me, but aren't hammers supposed to be made of steel?

Then again, if you can build a rationale for war from fluff and create a quagmire from desert, why not make a hammer from iron?

Nazis originally coined the term "Operation Iron Hammer." It was used in a campaign meant to smash the USSR. So the Pentagon has chosen not just a stupid name but a fascist, losing, stupid name. So maybe it is appropriate. (According to MSNBC's website: ''Eisenhammer,'' the German for ''iron hammer,'' was a Luftwaffe code name for a plan to destroy Soviet [power] generating plants in the Moscow and Gorky areas in 1943.")

"Operation Rubber Hammer" would be more appropriate because the policy will undoubtedly bounce back and smash Bush in the nose.

"Operation Ironhead" would be a good name for the court-appointed Bush administration's foreign policy initiatives. Like iron, the initiatives are soft yet dense.

Senior citizens are often forgotten in our society but the AARP is boldly demonstrating the elderly's influence by using its collective wealth and strength to sell seniors out by supporting the hideous prescription drug bill.

Considering its support for the Medicare prescription drug scam (which will further engorge Big Pharma and the health protection rackets --aka/health insurance conglomerates--by fleecing the elderly and all taxpayers) "AARP" now stands for "American Association of Republican's Patsies."

The AARP is a great organization to join if you don't have the time to give your address to direct marketing firms that target oft-vulnerable seniors.

Price supports are one thing. This bill creates LIST price supports.

Here's what the Medicare prescription scam says: Let's lock in these artificially inflated prices before they have a chance to be driven down by sanity and competition.

Let's take the vast purchasing power of the federal government and use it to buy vacation homes for corrupt corporate officials rather than crucial medicine for elderly people on fixed incomes.

And let's make sure that the poorest old people are the first to be unable to afford life-extending drugs. Now there's an easy way to reduce the number of Democrats.

The AAARP's ads in support of this scurrilous bill admit, "It's not a perfect plan." Right -- a perfect plan would have Social Security checks direct-deposited in the Republican National Committee's bank account.

This bill forces seniors to make their prescription purchases through private insurance plans. Conveniently enough, the AARP offers just such coverage. Kind of takes the mystery out of why an organization that is supposed to be a progressive advocate for seniors is suddenly operating like a heartless corporation. It also explains why its top official has the title "CEO."

At this rate, the AARP will soon come out in support making Social Security a workfare program.

It's time for AARP CEO (and Newt Gingrich crony) William Novelli to become an American retired person.

Considering the jingoism at the center of its bluster, Republican NATIONALIST Committee is more like it.

Bush recently stated that he wants to outlaw torture. He could take a big step in that direction by never again attempting to pronounce the word "nuclear."

He could take a bigger step by refraining from retrofitting his rationales for attacking Iraq because such rationalizations cannot be made without the torture of logic.

He could take the biggest step of all by resigning his stolen presidency. Hundreds of millions would be released from the torture of knowing he sits in the Oval Office.

Bush looked so reverent when they played "God Save the Queen" at the state dinner at Buckingham Palace because he thought the anthem was in honor of J. Edgar Hoover.

Considering how much Tony Blair has been a Bush lapdog, W's British trip should have been called a "51st state" visit.

Britain almost brought its troops home from Iraq this week - to provide the additional security necessitated by the visit of the court-appointed prez.

Not since the buzz bomb has England had such an unpleasant guest.

Too bad Edward R. Murrow is no longer with us. He'd have been perfect to cover Bush's visit."This is London. And this... is pitiful."

Bush refused to address Parliament -- but only because his people hadn't had time to buy it.

When the chapter about the George W. Bush era is written, it will be labeled: A New Low.

W is considering a quick turnover of power to Iraqis in Iraq in hopes of precluding a quick turnover of power to Democrats in Washington.

The Miami police have employed strong-arm tactics against globalization protesters. Florida officials take a dim view of anyone who demonstrates political views outside of an easily overlooked ballot box.

It is advisable to drink bottled water -- especially since most municipal water supplies have been fouled by all the plastic plants that have sprung up to make water bottles.

It was outrageous that the cancelled CBS miniseries implied that Nancy & Ronald Reagan spoke ill of gays. They didn't speak ill of gays, they just shook them down for Nancy's wardrobe.

W keeps saying "We'll stay in Iraq until the job is done." Just how long it will take to transfer the Treasury to court-appointed Bush Administration cronies and pump the contents of Iraq's oil fields into a few Texan's off-shore accounts is unclear -- but as soon as those things happen, the job will be done!

There is more sincerity and truth in ten minutes of a Home Shopping Network jewelry special than was seen on C-Span 2 during last week's Republican Senate Jurisimprudencathon.

Nice job by the Supreme Court when it refused to hear the idiotic case of the would-be carvers of the Ten Commandments into courthouses.Thou shalt give it a rest.

That is the first time I have ever written the phrase, "nice job by the Supreme Court." I must be mellowing.

Rush Limbaugh assiduously asserts he wasn't involved in laundering the vast amounts of money he paid to drug dealers for his hillbilly heroin habit. Like any good Republican he sent his money out to be laundered.

Was there anything more disgusting than the scene of all those white men helping Bush sign the new restrictive abortion bill?

You know what those guys were doing? Whispering to W, "Make a 'G.' No a 'big' G."

They all looked like they had had partial brain abortions.

What a surprise, eight powerful white guys decided that they care more about the well being of an embryo than that of a woman!

So-called "partial birth abortions" (a political and intentionally vague term) are very rare procedures, generally employed to save a woman's life or health or because it has become obvious that the fetus will suffer from extreme birth defects. It seems "choice" might be a good option to leave available in such cases.

To listen to the pie-eyed, anti-choice moralists, you'd think it's a procedure used by millions of woman too busy with Satan -worshipping and promiscuous behavior to have an abortion performed during the first trimester of pregnancy.

Bush thinks "Pro-Choice" is a company that makes baseball caps.

You wear them on your Ironhead.

********

Screed section.....

Get Out!

Not one of the recent dozens of deaths or hundreds of grievous injuries suffered by US troops in Iraq make the hundreds of deaths or thousands of grievous injuries suffered by Americans in the previous months in Bush's needless war any more sane or justifiable. (Which is not to mention the exponentially larger Iraqi casualty totals, a practice apparently outlawed in US media). Get out Bush. Get out now. Stop slaughtering innocents on the pagan altar of your Reptilican brain. You are wrong, this is a disaster and your horrible legacy is so damned far down the tubes that it is now actually lower than Karl Rove's motives.

*******

Invest Wisely

Considering the latest avalanche of news about mutual fund scams and currency fraud perhaps Americans will finally decide that the best way to make a living is to work for that living rather than attempt to get rich quick by investing in institutions that are designed to rip off workers and retirees. (Ever notice how the stock prices leap when companies layoff measurable portions of their employees? How are such corporations good "long-term investments" for anyone dependent on a paycheck?) Many corporations are thriving because of the glut of virtual slave labor that globalization provides. It has removed boundaries for profiteering while building economic dungeons for workers.

We need to remember that all investments aren't literally economic. For instance: we must invest our time to organize and stand with fellow workers against an ever-growing gang of robber barons and their rape of our economies. We must also get over the foolishly nationalistic (redundancy noted) belief that we can solve all of our problems by simply "buying American." We must make an effort to invest our purchasing dollars in companies that treat their workers well -- whether it means the products are made in the USA or Brazil, in Sweden or Japan, in Mexico or South Africa. It means that when Wal-Mart makes the brazen attempt to put their competition out of business by charging less than wholesale prices for the most popular Christmas toys, we must either demonstrate the will power to only purchase the items upon which they are intentionally losing money, or better yet, never walk into Wal-mart in the first place. After all, the most popular toys are probably just plastic crap
made by exploited workers.

If we can't be in Miami in person over the next several days to join protesters in a stand against the madness of globalization, we can be there with them in solidarity by vowing to end our collaboration with the forces of economic evil in our workplaces and our marketplaces. This will require us to become better fellow workers and wiser consumers. These are two investments that will surely pay dividends that result in the best deal of all -- a more just world.

*******

Putting Michael Jackson in his place-- at the end of a discussion of larger news stories.

( Warning: This is even more of an opinion piece than I usually write.)

First a joke to loosen you up: Michael Jackson's new release Number 1 is selling like Number 2.

And now, turning to the screed...

I don't much like cops or DA's. I don't like the inanity of media priorities that allowed Michael Jackson's arrest on child molestation charges to garner more airtime than the Turkish terrorist attacks, the massive British protests, the latest Wall Street scandal, the Quagmire in Iraq and the Republican energy and Medicare scams put together. I also don't like an awful lot of nasty things I have heard said about Jackson's alleged victim, an at-the-time pre-adolescent terminal cancer patient.

The kid is now miraculously in remission. Jackson takes credit for this --others may think the child survived because his story needed to be told. Pedophiles are devious people and it takes a devious person to realize that dead children tell no tales. Sadly, I feel Michael Jackson is capable of drawing just such an evil conclusion.

Jackson, the world's ultimate consumer, always tells us how much he cares for children. Well if he cared so much about kids he'd do less conspicuous consumption and more constructive charity. The next time he feels like taking a multimillion-dollar shopping spree perhaps he should consider buying back the water rights for a small African nation that's been forced to privatize the precious commodity by IMF loan-sharks instead. That would surely help lots of children. I fear the sad truth is that Michael Jackson only cares about kids he can get his hands on. If this means he has to make occasional grandstand plays on behalf of other children, well that's just an operating expense.

The self-proclaimed King of Pop is about as dangerous as someone can get, at least someone without an army: he's a pedophile with an unlimited budget. Face reality, an adult who adds an amusement park and zoo to his fortress/compound that's replete with a hidden passage between the master bedroom and the "Shirley Temple" room is flaunting a predilection for preying upon youth. Besides, innocent people rarely pay eight-figure settlements to families of children to silence them and persuade them to drop criminal and civil child sexual abuse cases. MJ did just that in 1993. Now Jackson says he can't wait to fight these latest charges. I figure his sudden lust for jurisprudence was discovered when he realized that this time he can't muffle a child's cry with a large enough pile of dough.

Michael Jackson needs to be segregated from children -- not from justice and the rest of the world behind the gates of his creepy Neverland Ranch. I'd be perfectly happy if this segregation came by way of confinement in a facility for the criminally insane. Few could argue that this sad and damaged individual isn't eligible for a scholarship to such an institution.

If you'll forgive a metaphorically-necessitated roundabout acknowledgement of a spirit world, Jackson proves that Satan is a wimp. George W. Bush corroborates this truth. Perhaps W will someday face the accountability that now stalks Jackson. Now that the die is cast, we don't need is OJ-level MJ coverage and speculation as the case unfolds. Such focus would take the media off several pressing stories, all of which will embarrass Satan/wimp Bush.

Still, we mustn't downgrade the seriousness of the case against Jackson because of our disgust with the media swarm. We must let the media know that we understand that Jackson's story won't be told until a judge or jury speaks and that we can wait for that result. We've got to hold the media accountable for covering the larger story of the court-appointed Bush administration's molestation of human rights, the environment and our very way of life. Such editorial scrutiny will only help kids. Goodness knows that cutbacks in human services necessitated by Bush giveaways to the ultra-wealthy have made the USA a more dangerous place for children. The further misappropriation of our national treasury for an insane war and a "rebuilding project" -- that will do a lot more good for Houston's economy than it ever will for Baghdad's -- is making the world still less safe for children. How many cases of domestic child abuse will be overlooked because we have committed nearly $200 billio
n to a cause that has orphaned, maimed and killed thousands of Iraqi children? How many bad cases will be made against innocent adults by child protective agencies simply because workers are as overwhelmed and overworked as a national guardsman on his thirteenth month of active duty overseas? One such case would be way too many and there are surely have been more than that.

Michael Jackson's story is important because it demonstrates how a society in denial about the abuse of children will let the perpetrators of crimes against children hide in the brightest of spotlights. It is that same propensity for denial that allows a measurable portion of Americans to delude themselves into believing that the crimes committed by the court-appointed Bush administration -- at the center of the global stage -- are actually acts of bold leadership and great patriotism. Bush's story is much bigger and more important than Jackson's but both situations cry for justice.

*******

Today's link is David Corn's http://www.bushlies.com

*******

2003-10-29T10:51:00.000-05:00

CrimQuips 10/28/03

Massive Edition

Commentary by Barry Crimmins

http://www.barrycrimmins.com

Distribute Freely- Aggravate them!

***

Don't you find the White House's new "I can't believe we have to revisit these issues about the war simply because we have been caught lying at every turn" campaign a bit difficult to swallow?

This war is about as defensible as Bush's FDA's challenge of Illinois' plan to supply seniors with cheaper prescription drugs from Canada.

The FDA implied that Canadian drugs might not be as safe as US prescriptions of the exact same products. Isn't this how the protection racket works? The thug shows up and says. "I would hate if something happened because of your unwise decision not to carry my product at my price."

Where's free trade when we need it?

I love how Paul Wolfowitz implied that the deadly and massive strike on the very hotel in which he, the man who dreamed up W's war long before 9/11, was staying, was a desperate act by a few "freedom-haters." Let's face it, Wolfowitz got the rebel version of a smart bomb down his smokestack.

Oh yeah, Paul, the ability to attack with impunity is the surest sign of a desperate enemy.

The good news is chickenhawk Wolfowitz has finally seen some action.

They wheeled a device armed with twenty missiles into a park across from the top visiting U.S. official's hotel, set the thing off, did major damage and we are supposed to believe it was a lucky shot by a few straggling Saddamites? Come on!

If the people of Baghdad really loved the alleged freedom that has been brought to them, do you suppose they'd have let anyone wheel up a jitney of death, kick start it and point it at the primary architect of their alleged liberation?

Wolfowitz, although shaken by the assault, was able to resume lying after only a very short interruption of disservice.

Wolfowitz wasn't physically harmed but he did lose two cowls and a pitchfork in the attack.

An American official hasn't been greeted so rudely since W spoke to the Australian legislature last week.

Kind of makes you wish you were represented by an Australian legislator, doesn't it?

The US can't spot a jitney of death under the Undersecretary of Defense's window but it's second-to none when it comes to guaranteeing the existence of fictional weapons of mass destruction.

Why not allow Wolfowitz to do something useful while he's at the quagmire he provoked? Let's issue him a helmet and a rifle and have him pull graveyard-shift guard duty half a click from the Al-Rashid. Then let the poor soldier he replaced "risk" sleeping in his suite.

"Who goes there?" -- "Straggling freedom haters!"

And unlike many US troops, Wolfowitz has the necessary connections to get himself a Kevlar vest.

In fact, they're still trying to get the stains out of the Kevlar briefs Wolfowitz was wearing Sunday.

***

How much more lying can the court-appointed Bush Administration do? Consider the crap they heap upon us:

The environment benefits from pollution

The evisceration of civil liberties is patriotic.

The price-gouging of seniors for prescriptions is for their own good.

Every time another several billion cubic liters of quicksand are added to the Iraqi Quagmire, it only proves how much stronger the American position has become.

If you believe any of this, W is your boy. Otherwise, make a donation to the Democratic candidate of your choice today.

***

The main reason they put Condi (and I'm not being familiar, I'm just sick of spelling her endless name) Rice in charge of the fiascoes in Iraq and Afghanistan is because it goes a long way towards removing them from congressional oversight. In any case, she has now been handed a bigger bag than Schwarzenegger.

The Rice appointment reiterates the fact that Republicans are never afraid to dump hopeless tasks in the laps of African-American women.

And so Condi's been rewarded for all those years of collaborating by being put in charge of the mess made by the Vietnam War Re-enactors that control the Oval Office.

War Re-enacting -- It's Not Just a Hobby Anymore!

The name "Rice" may soon eclipse that of "Quisling."

Conthelegions Rice

The court-appointed Bush Administration's ban on media coverage of returning coffins of US fatalities from the Iraqi Quagmire isn't meant to keep the true impact of the Quagmire censored from public view. No, it's being enforced because the Bushists are concerned that allowing such footage to be shot would precipitate a nationwide videotape shortage.

Bush increases *IQ Each day!
*Iraqi Quagmire

If W finds a way to speed US citizenship for all the deposed Latin-American despots now hunkered down in Miami, he may not have to rig the Florida vote to win the Sunshine State in 2004.

Ignore Rush Limbaugh-- A Waste is a Terrible Thing To Mind

Rush Limbaugh: Talent on loan from Oxycontin!

Mega-dose-o's!

Considering the kind of brains they all seem to have, wouldn't a better name be: The Reptilican Party?

Health & Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson is supporting plans for a National Health Museum. That ought to provide a nice walk down Memory Lane-- at least for those Americans for whom HMO's haven't yet denied claims for crutches and canes.

At the Health Museum you don't get a ticket, you schedule an appointment-- but you can only do this if you have a referral from another museum.

You check in for your appointment and then spend the next several hours in a waiting room reading magazines that are older than anything in the Library of Congress's periodical collection.

Just as you are about to finally enter the museum, an HMO representative calls the receptionist and you are informed that you no longer have a valid claim to enter.

Wesley Clark is a man of his convictions. He has disengaged in Iowa just as he thinks W should disengage in Iraq.

Lieberman's withdrawal from Iowa is more interesting, I had thought he was only bought and paid for by the Insurance cabal and extreme reactionary supporters of Israel but his ducking out of Iowa may indicate he is also owned by the bane of the Hawkeye State: Big Agribusiness.

I'm not sure whether Lieberman's Detroit debate performance is better summarized as: "No Republican will keep me from behaving like a Republican" or "No Democrat will keep me from behaving like a Republican," but it's one of the two.

Recently the New York Times labeled Joe Lieberman a "centrist." There's a statement that would look absurd in the National Review.

Bush says the Ramadan Offensive won't deter him, which is true -- but only because he is nowhere near Baghdad.

The Thet Offensive didn't bother W during Nam, much for the same reason.

Yesterday RJ Reynolds announced plans to buy fellow tobacco behemoth Brown & Williamson, creating the world's largest private distributor of carcinogens (the Pentagon outpaces the public field). Then Anthem signaled its intention to purchase Wellpoint Health Networks and create the nation's largest health insurer. Ironically, more Americans will die as a result of the health care merger.

According to some guy I heard on the radio, Anti-Semitism is more pervasive than ever because it has spread to members of the Israeli military whose open questioning of Ariel Sharon's tactics are clearly the result of their own self-loathing.

The dissenting Israeli soldiers ought to just transfer to the Malaysian military and get it over with!

Wal-Mart's now exposed use of illegal aliens on its clean-up crews reminds us that there is no bargain so great as to justify the puny value Wal-Mart puts on life.

The clean-up crews, that worked as many as 363 nights per year, now face deportation for being tireless and grossly underpaid laborers for a nefarious and highly profitable corporation. Were there any justice, Wal-Mart would be deported and the laborers would stay.

Then we could see Wal-Mart attempt to sell its crap to the de facto slave labor that manufactures its merchandise. Now that would require some price slashing!

With Medicare costs rising and the senior population growing, the court-appointed Bush administration is quietly taking a long, hard second look at Soylent Green.

Wal-Mart would be happy to market it. Of course eventually it would switch to cheaper Chinese Soylent Green.

The Reagan Library is being threatened by the California wildfires. If flames consume the entire structure, nearly a dozen books could be lost.

The collection includes several phonebooks and Kitty Kelly's oral history of Nancy Reagan's relationship with Frank Sinatra.

If the Reagan library is incinerated, the books will be swept up and moved to the John Ashcroft Library, which is an urn.

REMEMBER: If the books are in ashes, they're from Ashcroft!

Jeb Bush ordered the feeding tube of a brain-damaged woman reinserted after her husband had received court backing to honor her wish to not live as a vegetable. Too bad she wasn't an impoverished child or Jeb would have been happy to let her starve to death.

Did you see W attempt to pronounce President Megawati Sukarnoputri's name last week in Indonesia? He butchered it up and barbecued it Texas -style.

If the Pentagon activates any more reserves, they'll to have to call out the National Guard to help families of the National Guard.

Russian oil baron Mikhail Khodorkovsky was seized by security agents on charges of fraud and tax evasion thus proving there are still some big differences between our two countries. For instance: In Russia, corrupt oil tycoons are seized by the state. In the USA, corrupt oil tycoons seize the state.

The new energy bill isn't moving through Congress as quickly as many had hoped but remember, it takes time to make sure that enough cronies, hucksters and racketeers benefit immodestly from the power grid crisis. Enron set a high standard in California-- it robbed billions and helped precipitate the sack of Sacramento with its underhanded dealings. It will take time for Congress to set up Enron's competitors in a position to do the same sort of damage to the entire nation.

Pharmaceutical giant Merck is cutting 4,400 jobs. Laid off workers will receive a termination package that includes a year's supply of antidepressants.

2003-10-12T12:53:00.000-04:00

CrimQuips 10/12/03

Commentary by Barry Crimmins

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http://www.barrycrimmins.com

Maybe if Californians took their gubernatorial votes as seriously as their American Idol ballots, last week's electoral embarrassment would have never occurred.

It's not the caliber of a candidate's character that counts, what's important is the quality of the special effects in his movies.

Fictional Governor-elect Schwarzenegger's first rule of swaying the masses: never say anything that won't fit on a tee-shirt.

If Arnold's new reality show is as much of a bust as I'm guessing it will be, he may soon be facing a Total Recall of his own.

Schwarzenegger doesn't need a platform -- he needs a script. It may be tough to find a good one since the fictional governor-elect snubbed all of the screenwriters, that made him what he appears to be today, by not thanking them in his acceptance speech.

I'm not sure whether or not Arnold is still on steroids but clearly his makeup person is.

That said, he is an inspiration to orange people everywhere.

Maybe the fictional governor-elect will try to solve the California budget deficit crisis by finding the right producer.

Arnold will do what he promises-- at least for the Enron muckety-mucks who now have their hand-picked shill in power to ensure they'll never pay back 9 billion they looted from California. Now they'll only pay the 2¢ on the dollar Bush's fixers okayed.(in case you missed Greg Palast's excellent piece on this http://www.gregpalast.com/detail.cfm?artid=284&row=0)

Bush's cronies at Enron loot $9 billion from California and Gray Davis gets ousted over an $8 billion deficit. Now another Enron lackey takes over the state but the bad guys aren't winning, are they? (And for you newcomers, I am not now nor have I ever been enamored with Gov. Davis but fair is fair and this doesn't pass the sniff test -- even when it is administered from 3,000 miles away.)

Things will be kind of slow in the Golden State until Vin Diesel decides whether or not to make a US Senate run.

Arnold's next feature will be called "Be Careful What You Wish For."

Schwarzenegger's win is a victory for the little guy. Well actually it's a victory for the little, cheesy, perverted guy who can only dream of committing sexual battery again and again without facing any consequences.

Many governor's claw their way to the top, Arnold just claws tops.

I've heard of the People's Choice Awards but this is ridiculous.

Enough of the Fictional Governor-elect -- hand him the very large bag he so craved and keep the cameras rolling.

George W. Bush boldly promises that he can repair the economy by further engorging the rich. He says he has a plan to eradicate terrorism from Planet Earth -- completely. He says he'll find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq despite the fact that by all accounts, none are there. He guarantees that Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein will be, without question, brought to justice. He is sure that he will turn Iraq into a western-style democracy in the very near future, providing we just forge a bit more deeply into the quagmire. He effortlessly maintains a straight face when he asserts that he will improve the environment by severely truncating regulations on corporate polluters. To listen to this man you'd have to believe he thinks he can do just about anything, no matter how illogical or improbable. But even W. has his limits and we have finally discovered something not even he thinks likely to be accomplished. W recently said he doesn't think that the identity of the "senio
r White House official" who leaked the identity of Ambassador Wilson's CIA agent wife will ever be discovered. So he's willing to go to the ends of the earth to fight those he labels as terrorists but he is quite reluctant to go to the end of the hall to find someone in his own office who is intentionally terrorized a government employee.

It's too bad the White House isn't as good at protecting the identities of intelligence officials as it is at protecting the identity of senior White House officials that out intelligence officials that are married to whistle-blowers.

The Chicago Cubs finally seemed to escape the curse of the billy goat when an eveb worse hex befalls the ill-fated team-- Donald Rumfeld has announced he's a Cub fan.

Dick Cheney ridiculed any opposition to the Iraq Quagmire in a speech to the Heritage Foundation. Right, Dick, what kind of an argument are body bags, or profiteering or sane energy policies compared to your need to plunge the war into generations of debt just to pay for your Halliburton pension plan?

King Tut's tomb is a humble grovel when contrasted with Cheney's Halliburton platinum parachute.

They have built a special passage from Cheney's crypt that leads directly to the Heritage Foundation so that he can make appearances there without the risk of ever being exposes to lethal sunshine.

Bush is cracking down on Cuba. When in doubt, turn to the democracy-loving Batista supporters.

Funny how those Batista supporters hated democracy when their boy was in power but have developed a taste for it in Miami. Except, of course, in US presidential races.

Rush Limbaugh is working on a new self-help guide for Republicans: When Bad Things Happen To Bad People.

If Limbaugh were held to his own standard of justice the only "twelve steps" he'd be taking would be on the way to the license plate shop.

Mayor John Street of Philadelphia, who ran an extremely successful "get out the vote" campaign that tipped the 2000 Pennsylvania vote to Al Gore, is now facing FBI office-bugging and smears by innuendo. This means just one thing: Karl Rove believes Pennsylvania is a toss-up in the 2004 race.

I'm sure there was no petty little vendetta there.

Why take the time to disenfranchise all of those voters when you can just discredit their champion?

The Muslim chaplain charged in Guantanamo is probably guilty of one thing: semi-humane behavior in what are intended to be brutally inhumane circumstances.

2003-10-08T16:21:00.000-04:00

CrimQuips 10/6/03

Commentary by Barry Crimmins

Distribute Recklessly!

http://www.barrycrimmins.com

I am passing through the office just long enough to send out these quips. Next stop: The ACLU's College Freedom Tour Madison, Wisconsin at the U of W on Tuesday night.
http://www.aclufreedomtour.org/

*******

"I despise everything Hitler stood for." -- Arnold Schwarzenegger, who had to say it because the idea that he is devoted to the Fuehrer is certainly rather feasible.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: The E True Heil-lywood Story.

Schwarzenegger claims he has the momentum in the California recall campaign, proving that he is as capable of lying as any career politician

If Arnold gets much more of the momentum he's had recently, the next thing he'll need is a bail bondsman.

Perhaps the quote I saw was truncated and what Arnold actually said was "I have to worry that all of these charges of criminal sexual behavior against me are beginning to gain momentum."

I have been interviewed by and performed with hundreds of women during my 30 years in show biz and if I had preemptively groped even one of them, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be putting my name on any ballots. But again, that's another thing makes Arnie a natural pol-- shamelessness.

From Schickelgruber to Serial-groper in two easy generations-- the Schwarzenegger family story.

Arnold despises everything about Hitler -- everything, that is, except Eva Braun and her lush, natural breasts, which he would have preemptively groped, had he ever met her.

Too bad Rush Limbaugh isn't a California resident or he could have provided Schwarzenegger with some real competition. "Lessee do we want the pill-popping, racist, neo-con artist or the Hitler-admiring, sexually-assaultive Hollywood fabrication? Decisions! Decisions!"

Considering the allegations that Arnold is into "spankings," the California electorate should oblige him.

Limbaugh the pill-popper is a great story. I guess we should have wondered why he was called "Rush."

Apparently Limbaugh thought ESPN hired him to do "colored" commentary.

Rush probably needs the pills - he always sounds like he's in a lot of pain.

If Limbaugh has to take all those drugs before he can say that stuff, one shudders to estimate the dosages his listeners require.

I know I wouldn't even consider turning his show on without first having a physician install a morphine pump in me.

In an effort to prove he's not a racist, Rush will announce plans to buy all of his drugs on the black market.

Speaking of Donovan McNabb (the African-American Philly QB Limbaugh assailed), Rush said, "What we have here is a little social concern in the N.F.L. The media has been very desirous that a black quarterback can do well black coaches and black quarterbacks doing well." He may have something there. Consider this: McNabb was the greatest quarterback to ever play at Syracuse University -- a major media school. The second greatest QB to ever play for the Orange was Don McPherson, another African-American! And of course you know Ernie Davis played at Syracuse and was the first African-American to win the Heisman Trophy-- a story that was all over the --you guessed it -- media! Yes, I'm afraid Rush has uncovered a major scandal here. It's shocking to consider how those African-American players lead Syracuse to all those bowl games only because of the media's desire to make football worse by trying to turn it into some sort of pansy rainbow coalition.

If Rush Limbaugh doesn't have a racist bone in his body, then he'sbeen filleted.

Now that Dennis Miller and Rush Limbaugh have failed as NFL commentators, perhaps Ann Coulter will step up to fill the reactionary void. She's as obnoxious as both of them put together and appears to have much better pharmaceutical connections than Limbaugh.

Now that the three-month old CIA outing story is finally starting to build steam -- and since it can be instructive in demonstrating the deviousness of the court-appointed Bush Administration -- we must use it for all it's worth. However, it is rather ironic that the unethical treatment of a CIA employee may be what finally opens people eyes about this hopelessly corrupt regime.

"OK, OK, sure they were already using the 9/11 tragedy for venal political purposes by the time the second plane hit the World Trade Center, and there's no denying that they have privatized the federal treasury and handed it over to their corporate masters. And yes, they have shredded the Bill of Rights, made a preemptive strike on the environment and fabricated the need for a war that has killed thousands and cost tens of billions while developing into a quagmire; but when they hang a CIA operative out to dry, that's where I draw the line!"

Not that this isn't an important story -- particularly because by outing Ambassador Wilson's wife as a CIA operative the Bushists sent a message to the rest of the (so-called) intelligence community that said, "Death to whistle-blowers!" Considering how many of those people knew what a crock Bush's war rationale was -- and how few have said a word-- it appears the Big (Brother) Chill worked.

One worry I have about Wesley Clark is that it seems like all of his staunchest supporters won themselves over before he ever even announced his candidacy. They all buts say, "I was for Wesley Clark before even he knew he was a Democrat!" What Clark needs to do now is demonstrate that he can win support as an actual candidate.

Clark should welcome criticism and questions because if he is a general who cannot handle and respond to criticism, he won't make a very good president. We already have a "Because I said so!" guy sitting in the Oval Office, we don't need another and let's face it, generals are pretty notorious for issuing "my way or the highway" edicts.

Of course if you don't go Bush's way, he bombs the highway as you attempt to leave.

I hope General Clark will show himself to be open to challenges and willing to consider other ideas. Perhaps his becoming a Democrat indicates he possesses such propensities.

If a general can become a Democrat there may even be hope for Joe Lieberman.

The most encouraging thing about the Democratic field is that none of them are bashful about calling Bush the riffraff he is. Al Gore inexplicably avoided character issues when taking on the little weasel, it appears no Dem will make that mistake in '04.

Come on W, just admit it: they'll find an ethic at one of your cabinet meetings before they discover any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

2003-09-26T16:43:00.000-04:00

CrimQuips 9/26/03

Commentary by Barry Crimmins

http://www.barrycrimmins.com

"You can't make 15 gaffes a week and be president." --Sen. John Kerry (speaking of Gov. Howard Dean) ....Get serious, John. Bush makes at least 15 gaffes per speech and he holds the office.(albeit hostage, but still!)

The Wall Street Journal hosted a Democratic presidential debate Thursday. By comparison, the blues series on PBS is a perfect demographic fit .

Wesley Clark looked like a general at yesterday's debate. He clung dearly to the back-lines while the others slugged it out at the front.

I'm willing to give Clark time to find his political legs but there is nothing wrong with examining what he has said and comparing it to what he's saying. And there is nothing wrong about having qualms about supporting anyone who ever thought Ronald Reagan was OK. What's absurd are the assaults by people such as those cranked up by twitchy Ann Coulter that question the decorated war hero's patriotism.

I actually heard Limbaugh imply that Clark's candidacy was that of a nut general intent on overthrowing our democratic government. Uh, Rush, General Clark is entering the race to democratically unseat the Nam-era deserter that currently occupies the White House despite the fact he lost the election.

Clark and the rest of the Dems are trying to reverse a coup d'etat, not stage one.

Anyone who wants to attempt to tarnish Howard Dean as "ultra-left" really needs to be referred to my website. I'll show 'em left.

I love watching Dems slug it out. Substantive questions and challenges will only make the field stronger. If you want to listen to people say "ditto" all day, turn on Rush Limbaugh.

The response to Bush's speech before the UN General Assembly breathed new life into the word "tepid."

The UN headsets that translate speech into the various languages came in very handy because without them, W would have had to learn to lie in dozens of languages.

There are more people on the California ballot than there are people who bought anything that Bush said in that speech.

Coming up on C-SPAN: George W Bush's address to the UN General Assembly, and then Hugh Hefner's keynote remarks to the Christian Coalition, followed by Rush Limbaugh's speech to the AFL-CIO.

Ariel Sharon may soon decide to lay off the Palestinians and concentrate on Mel Gibson.

Senator Robert Byrd has been a Washington insider for decades and West Virginia has never lacked so much as one pork barrel during those years. However, in his final days of public service the aged Senator has distinguished himself in such a manner that has overshadowed all of his insider sins. His moral stand against W's war and his recent performance questioning the advocates of Bush's deepening quagmire, should have caught the attention of the Nobel Peace Prize committee. It has been a pleasure to see an actual statesman stand up and tell crucial truth at a time when very few politicians have shown the courage to give voice to grave questions. And old Teddy Kennedy hasn't been far behind. They have both done this nation and the Senate proud.

Here's a few questions Arnold Schwarzenegger might be asked about his past: Did you even own any pants during your first twenty years in Hollywood? If so, did you ever wear them?

Arnold makes Bill Clinton look like Cotton Mather.

*******

Today's extended riff.....

Here's an idea that would save Americans trillions of dollars, and more importantly, many, many lives. Quite simply, we must abandon any hopes for national health insurance.

You see, we don't need health insurance, we need health care. We need to divest health care of insurance racketeers. Run the bastards out of town, they have killed more of us than any terrorist ever will.

To employ the word "insurance" in this crucial context is to take a massive portion of our health care dollar and fritter it away without providing one sick person so much as one Kleenex tissue.

Each day more people discover they can no longer afford health insurance and/or the insurance they have is all but worthless. Soon only the ultra-wealthy will have any legitimate coverage at all. This means the insurance racket has priced itself out of health care. So good riddance to health insurance and hello national health CARE.

Health is a wonderful word. Why marry it to latter day pejorative like insurance?

Care is unconditional; insurance must be claimed. Sick and injured people aren't generally in a good position to stake out and hold claims. HMO's and other health care racketeers first line of defense is to reject all claims out-of-hand. That's all it takes to get rid of people too weak to take a stand. This is barbarism.

Health insurance policies are full of fine print that explain why they really needn't pay any claim. Of course no one can read the fine print because most health plans cut eye care a long time ago.

From the anecdotal evidence I have gathered over a lifetime of knowing human beings -- each one replete with the human propensity to fall prey to injury, illness and mortality -- I can say with some confidence that health insurance companies spend at least as much money developing reasons to deny claims as they do paying for actual health care. We all know people who have been put through inhumane ordeals by corporate bureaucrats. In fact, health insurance claims adjusters often privately refer to themselves as "claims deniers."

The insurance racket takes highly trained medical personnel and turns them into nothing more than claims adjustors and efficiency experts. Mind you, that so-called "efficiency" has nothing to do with health care and everything to do with the proverbial bottom line. As a result, that bottom line too often ends up located "six feet under."

For all intents and purposes, the health insurance racket sends sick and injured people to a casino rather than a hospital. Everything at that casino is rigged in the house's favor and the insurance racket is the house. Just as slot-machine suckers pay for the electricity that courses through the gigantic signs in Vegas, the dupes who pay health insurance premiums are footing the bill for the advertising hacks, public relations glad-handers and slithering lobbyists that work around the clock to sanitize the nefarious scam that is health insurance.

The casino comparison is somewhat unfair to the gaming industry. It employs one-armed bandits while the health care racket always uses two hands when frisking and robbing us.

Many "uninsured" people, harboring hopes of getting a health care plan, avoid doctors lest they be diagnosed with what the insurance racket labels as a "pre-existing condition" The more desperate your need for treatment, the more proof the criminals have that your claim is invalid. This has got to end.

Unguarded, the insurance cabal will label "human frailty" as a pre-existing condition and never have to approve another claim.

Health insurance is a big protection racket but when illness comes and smashes our windows, the protection disappears. Why not just make the racket disappear, instead?

America cannot afford health insurance; it cannot live without health care.

So ask your favorite presidential candidate to support national health care, the humane and economic alternative to national health insurance.

*******

My ideal candidate would support national health care, not insurance and hold strong anti-quagmire views concerning Iraq. I shall continue to add to this idealistic platform as time goes by. If we don't demand the sky, we will never gain control of the earth. Let's provoke the candidates to compromise with the left on a few things -- that way the next Democratic president will be less likely to promote phony stuff like welfare reform because he or she will have to worry about viable criticism from beyond the milquetoasty center.

*******

When you think Blues, of course you think PBS. I can't seem to find my old "Howling Wolf -- Live at the Yacht Club" LP but perhaps it will now be reissued. If so, lets hope Martin Scorsese gets the top billing he deserves.

A lot of the CD's they are issuing in conjunction with the series are of music that's in the public domain. What the hell, the musicians didn't get any royalties the first time they recorded the tunes, why start now? (Seriously, I hope PBS is funneling all profits to any relatives they can find of the great artists they are hoping to ride to Nielson glory.

I'll leave you with this rare work-in-progress, left to me by an old bluesman great uncle of mine.

Pine Box Set Blues

By Blind Typo Crimmins

My turbo Saab's fuel injection
got jammed with too much grit
I got home from the tennis club,
but left my cardigan sweater back at it

And the mean old feds just shut
my inside trading tipster on down
now the fall pledge drive's on us
Lawd I got no premium to be found.

plink, plink, plink, plink, plink, plink , plink , plink , plink , plink, plink , plink , plink ... Oh yeah

What ever will become of me?
Them fleece pullovers ain't free
No PBS phone's gonna ring today
Can't make no pledge, what can I say?

I got the sanitized and wholesome
Public Broadcasting Blues
I got the Ken-Burnsing deep in my soul
Public Broadcasting Blues
PBS take credit for all good things:
Mark Twain, jazz and baseball, too

plink, plink, plink, plink, plink, plink , plink , plink , plink , plink, plink , plink , plink ... Oh yeah

PBS want us to believe that
it stand for Po Boy Sound
I said, PBS want us to believe
it stand for Po Boy Sound
When we get down to the crossroads
it's their tote bag we be carrying 'round

PBS let po artists suffer
so they blues, they be real
PBS let em starve and suffer
'til their blues can't be concealed
When they die and go to public domain
PBS make a special Pine Box Set deal

plink, plink, plink, plink, plink, plink , plink , plink , plink , plink, plink , plink , plink ... Oh yeah

Oh lawd, lawd, what's gonna happen to me?
Them fleece pullovers sho' ain't free
Pledge Driver waiting for my dough
ain't never getting back to the show

PBS want us to believe
it stand for Poor Boy Sound
PBS want us to believe
it stand for Poor Boy Sound
But it really stand for white boys
who done waited much too long to come 'round

plink, plink, plink, plink, plink, plink , plink , plink , plink , plink, plink , plink , plink ... Oh yeah

2003-09-17T16:14:00.000-04:00

CrimQuips 9/17/03

Commentary by Barry Crimmins

http://www.barrycrimmins.com

The question is not if you are (or were) "anti-war," the question is: are you "pro-quagmire?"

Bush's offer to the UN: Come on in, the quagmire is fine! And I'm a great lifeguard!

Of course the UN should take control of Iraq for a quick transfer of power to the Iraqi people. The only thing the United States has to lose by leaving Iraq in the hands of the UN is control over the natural resources of that nation. We do not need to control Iraq's oil. What we need to control is our own gluttonous consumption of oil.

If you drive an SUV or giant pickup -- and don't have a very good reason for doing so -- this quagmire is for you!

The USA should take half of the $87 billion W is requesting for his quagmire, earmark it for Iraq, hand it to the UN and say "we are pulling out because we understand that the provocative presence of US troops is doing no one -- particularly the Iraqi people and US troops -- any good." Such a sane move would immediately dampen the radical Islamic case.

$43.5 billion would go a lot further towards rebuilding Iraq than the $87 billion that would mostly end up in Halliburton's vault.

Americans who drive SUV's for no legitimate reason should be made to put them to good use by converting them into hearses to transport the remains of the soldiers who have died in Iraq for our needless over-consumption of oil.

Today's tip for motorists: You may not need a four-wheel drive vehicle; you may just need four snow tires. People have been hoodwinked into believing the myth of "all-season" radial tires. Radial tires are only "all-season" in places like Florida and Central America -- but if you get much snow at all, you still need snow tires. Many a sucker has gone from all-season radials to a Mammothmobile because they believed it was the only way to survive winter driving. I use really good radial snow tires on my compact Ford and zoom past stuck SUV's all winter. I saved about $32,000 in the process and that's BEFORE I get to a gas pump. And I don't need a war to get me to the grocery store.

*******

Although all but one of the Democratic presidential candidates would provide a vast improvement over George W. Bush (and the other one would represent at least a slight improvement), I have been asked by people to comment more directly on the current Dem field. So here goes...

Governor Howard Dean-- Has done a great job using the internet to make his candidacy viable. Good on health care. Questionable on the environment (pro- Yucca Mt nuke dump? Please!) He says he sees no way we can cut Pentagon budget so I guess he really is a tax and spend liberal! Has betrayed his original anti-war base with his pro-quagmire stance, a cynical move to demonstrate his"electability." At this stage of the game the doctor is out of my top choices.

Reverend Al Sharpton -- Consistently takes some of the best stands on issues and (from what I am hearing) the worst money from right-wing extremists who are attempting to manipulate him into flummoxing Democratic African-American voting strength by creating a racial schism. I trust Al knows better than to try to do that. Anti-quagmire.

Representative Dennis Kucinich- Telling the truth makes a person a long shot in this game. Passionately anti-quagmire and the is the only one speaking out in articulate terms against the multinational racket called "globalization." I think he'll make a stronger than expected showing in Iowa and bring crucial issues into the mix in the process. Despite the attempted (and fairly successful) censorship of his message with conventional wisdom that "he can never win," Dennis Kucinich is the best the in field. You can't have progress without progressives and DK is a true progressive. (And yes, he has got to lose Moe Howard's barber)

Senator John Edwards- Announced his candidacy after running for several months -- and he needed to! His choice to make that announcement on a day when a hurricane was headed for his North Carolina constituents demonstrated he is a single-minded pol. The single thing his mind appears to be political ambition. His failed prez bid may well hurt the Dems and the country by costing a Senate seat to the Gluttonous Old Pigs. His only hope for an immediate political future seems to be as a region-balancing VP choice but even that doesn't even make a lot of sense. Staunchly pro-quagmire.

General Wesley Clark-- OK, he's smart but he must think we're stupid if we don't know he has been anything but anti-war. Read his 4-10-03 London Times column celebrating Bush and Blair's "victory." Better yet, read Fair's excellent compendium of Clark's comments on the war as it unfolded, transpired and allegedly ended. Moderately pro-quagmire.

Senator Bob Graham-- Consistently anti-war, consistently dubious about Bush's version of 9/11. Former Florida Governor Barbecue Bob has been consistently wrong on the death penalty. But I guess we could live with that since he can't be any more wrong than Bush -- the leading cause of death in the Southwest during his term as Texas governor. Tepidly anti-quagmire.

Senator Carol Mosley Braun-- In it to mess up Sharpton but certainly not because she is secretly receiving money from the left! Her close ties with the late Nigerian dictator Sani Abacha has already cost the Dems a Senate seat. Unsure where she stands on quagmire but happy to stand in one, when it comes to ethics.

Senator John Kerry- Still has a chance to wake up and catch fire but if it's only to mouth his thus far globalist message, he should simply stay home and help his wife count money. Still, he could really fry Bush's Nam-era military bacon. Pro-quagmire.

Representative Dick Gephardt- Extremely pro-war, pro-quagmire. Although his acceptability to the criminal Jr. Hoffa Teamster regime flicks on several warning lights, he is very good on labor issues. A sure cure for insomnia a stump speaker. If he runs the country with the ineptitude with which he ran the House, it will mean four troubled years. Once I sat between Gore and Gephardt at a luncheon. By comparison, he made Gore seem delightful and intriguing. Mad Magazine has a word for people like Gephardt: Blecch!

Senator Joe Lieberman- Bought and paid for shill of the insurance industry. Took Enron money. To the right of the Likud Party on the Israeli/Palestinian issue. Rabidly pro-war and pro-quagmire. One of the most reprehensible politicians in America, which is saying a lot. The only worse V-P candidate in recent history was Dick Cheney. The day could be 48 hours long and there still wouldn't be enough time for Joe Lieberman to suck as much as he sucks. If the Dems nominate him, sane people would be left no choice but to leave the country before the election.

*******

Pro-quagmire Democrats are just auditioning for the role of LBJ.

The nearly $160 billion Bush has spent and plans to spend on his war/occupation represents nothing more than the misuse of public funds to guarantee Dick Cheney's Halliburton pension.

What does Cheney need a pension plan for anyway? The guy has already died about four times.

Cheney's "deferred payments" from Halliburton will be footed by the next several generations of Americans - - providing the country even survives that long after what the court-appointed Bush administration does to it.

We could have national healthcare for the money that is spent keeping Cheney undead.

And just how much dough will Lynn Cheney need to enjoy her waning years of despising humanity once medical science and special effects wizards run out of ways to keep her ghoulish spouse on the scene?

And when Lynn goes, where will the family fortune go? To their daughter's ultra-progressive Coors Rainbow Coalition?

Of course that rainbow will only have one stripe and you can bet it will be golden.

Give Shadow Emperor Cheney credit; he has proven to be the one person for whom neither death nor taxes seem inevitable.

There is only one way for the US to leave Iraq: USE THE EXITS.

The United States has enflamed the Middle East to the point where Ariel Sharon now thinks he has sufficient cover to call for the assassination of Yassar Arafat, a (regardless of what you think of him) democratically elected leader. If Sharon manages to slay Arafat then the Islamic world will have the mother of all martyrs and it'll be "al-Quadee bar the door."

How outraged would the media be if Yassar Arafat called for the assassination of Ariel Sharon?

All the US has done to protect American troops from increased casualties in Iraq has been to restrict their movements and concentrate their ranks. I seem to recall a similar strategy didn't work so well in Lebanon twenty or so years ago.

Thank goodness Nazi filmmaker Leni Reifenstahl lived long enough to see Karl Rove's lush footage of W on the aircraft carrier.

The only "lush footage" I want to see is that of Bush taking a field sobriety test in Maine.

Every time Bush gives a speech the only word he uses more often than "God" is "terror."

Bush can't be much of a Christian, considering how often he uses the "Lord's name in vain."

A recent New York Times piece, meant to be a cautionary tale about socialized medicine, told of how senior citizen/Medicare patients are clogging doctors' offices every time they have a question. Well perhaps if the pharmaceutical industry stopped spending millions and millions of dollars on advertising that implores people to "ask their doctor" if they should be on the latest high-priced concoction, there would be a great reduction in the number of visits to ask doctors questions. Also, the cost of all that advertising wouldn't be included in the price of pills. And then the doctor wouldn't dispense the damned things only to have the patients return, seeking new pills to combat all of the side effects the advertised products caused.

The problem isn't socialized medicine; the problem is privatized airwaves.

Besides, who the hell wants to take pills that come with the warning: May cause projectile diarrhea or death.

Ask your pusher if Fiscaldrainomene is right for you!

Republicans are outraged at the ACLU lawsuit that has slowed the California recall election. Yeah, taking the time to make sure everyone has an equal chance to vote in an election that is banking on a haphazard premise in the first place is downright un-American!

Augusto Pinochet didn't have to wait to take over Chile, why should Arnold wait to run California?

Did you catch Bush at the coal-burning power plant, where he was promoting clean air? Laura would have joined him but she was at a brothel promoting her pet cause: abstinence.

Just as many who were scoffed at for saying Bush was obviously already cynically exploiting 9/11 in the days after the terrorist attacks, have been proven correct and just as many who were scoffed at for saying W's planned assault on Iraq was based on hooey and would lead to a quagmire, have been proven correct; those who now say the only solution is to bring home the American troops are once again being scoffed at. Never fear, they will be proven to be correct. The moral of this story: it is better to be scoffed at by contemporary lemmings than to be vilified by history.

I caught Ann Coulter on TV last night and she looked twitchier and loopier than ever. She was riding a major "Eva Braun visits the Valley of the Dolls on a promotional tour for the amazing new diet solution anorexia!" vibe. Her self-destruction is picking up velocity and it will be interesting to see just when, how and where it culminates.

2003-09-09T17:41:00.000-04:00

Special double issue

Commentary by Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com

And now in response to Mr. Bush's speech, the United Nations, joined by the Surviving Iraqi Children's Chorale, will sing "Positively Fourth Street."

" ...and for just one moment, you could be in my lack of shoes"

"The terrorists thrive on the support of tyrants and the resentments of oppressed peoples. When tyrants fall, and resentment gives way to hope, men and women in every culture reject the ideologies of terror, and turn to the pursuits of peace. Everywhere that freedom takes hold, terror will retreat." -- George W. Bush, altruistically making the case against himself in next year's presidential election

"We have learned that terrorist attacks are not caused by the use of strength, they are invited by the perception of weakness." -- George W. Bush - Admitting that his occupation of Iraq is perceivably weak.

"From the outset, I have expressed confidence in the ability of the Iraqi people to govern themselves." George. W. Bush -- Oh yeah, we're supposed to believe Bush spends all his spare time just respecting the hell out of the Iraqi people.

The $87 billion W has demanded for continuing the occupation/war in Iraq (not to mention the $72 billion already spent and many, many billions more in bribes disguised as "foreign aid" that won't be counted) proves Bush is a disciple of the "you broke it, you bought it" school of thought.

Bush will really have to cut taxes to finance this one.

By one count, Bush used the word "terror" 26 times in his 15-minute speech. The only thing he does more often than that is lie.

Bush says he needs $87 billion to continue the quagmire in Iraq. To give you an idea of how much money $87 billion is: that's nearly 1/4 the amount in Dick Cheney's Secret Energy Buddies Slush Fund.

$87 billion is almost half of what Karl Rove plans to spend on attack ads next year.

$87 billion may seem like a lot of dough but in "quagmire dollars," it will evaporate more quickly than Bush's rationales for attacking Iraq.

The entire Vietnam War cost about $57 billion but that was back when a quagmire dollar was really worth something.

Now Bush is making preemptive strikes on the Treasury.

Judging by the reaction to his speech, the militaristic Bush outdid himself by dropping the biggest bomb ever.

In the speech, Bush characterized his war/occupation that has killed, maimed and injured thousands -- his war/occupation that drastically reduced the availability of vital commodities like electricity, food and water to millions of innocent people -- as "One of the most humane military campaigns in history." Oh yeah, you're killing them with kindness, Georgie.

What Bush really meant: They want us to leave but we won't leave until our job is done and every penny of this $87 billion, and then some, has been funneled to my political cronies.

The French ambassador to the UN should respond to the Bush request for occupation assistance by simply saying, "Let them eat Freedom Fries."

Alternative title for Bush speech: Retrofitting rationales for a failed war.

Apparently Bush thinks he will have an easy time bamboozling the UN into working as his auxiliary Nationalist Guard now that the UN officials who were most knowledgeable about the true situation in Iraq have been blown to smithereens, thanks to US provocation and incompetence.

Donald Rumsfeld disappointed millions when he went to a mass grave in Iraq for what turned out to only be a visit.

***

Rumsfeld's visit was part of an appearance he was making on the new game show for despots: Fill That Mass Grave!

"After a long absence, our first contestant has returned to the American political scene like an outbreak of herpes. Comfortable in quagmires in deserts, jungles or executive offices, please welcome Donald Rumsfeld! OK, Mr. Rumsfeld take a look at this freshly dug mass grave and tell us what we need to know."

"Thanks, Zip! I can fill that mass grave with one impatient lie at a press conference!"

" Ok, Donald Rumsfeld. Fill that mass grave!"

***

American officials should visit the mass graves they filled throughout Central America during the Reagan/ (elected)Bush years. But then again, the officials who promoted Death Squad Diplomacy are too busy in their work for W as terrorism- decrying hypocrites for them to return to their earlier foreign policy initiatives.

Rumsfeld also toured a torture chamber in Iraq, which he said gave him a lot of good Christmas-gift ideas for John Ashcroft.

Rumsfeld ordered the torture chamber disassembled and sent to Guantanamo Bay for "safekeeping."

According to the Pentagon, attacks on US troops in Iraq now average 15 per day-- up from 10 per day in July. But you've them right where you want him, eh, GW?

It's amazing how many people have drowned in Bush's "shallow recession."

Will someone, once and for all, please explain to the corporate media that there is no mystery about how the stock market can zoom while unemployment also accelerates? "Expert" after "expert" takes to the air absolutely befuddled because they subscribe to a superstition that states "if the stock market does well, we all do well." In fact the stock market is, if anything, a measure of how easy it is to screw workers. A corporation lays off workers and its stock goes up in value. If a corporation lowers wages and reduces benefits for workers, Wall St rewards those nefarious actions, as well. Although we are told spikes in the market mean we are all doing better they are often indicators that the real economy -- the economy that working people struggle to live in-- has just gotten worse. The more we kowtow to the bloodless, heartless demands of a market that wants to further enrich over-engorged stock manipulators by impoverishing workers (and former workers), the worse the real
economy becomes. Until Lou Dobbs learns that, he is no expert.

The common good and common shares have nothing in common.

Next week California will hold our nation's first Steel-cage gubernatorial debate.

There are ten commandments that should be carved in stone at every courthouse in America. They are called the "Bill of Rights."

How about that road map to peace! Just another success story from the court-appointed Bush administration.

Would someone please take Sen.John Kyl (Babbit- Arizona) camping, and leave him there.

When he arrives at the 2004 Republican Convention in New York City, George W. Bush will be cheered loudly, throughout the Bronx.

The upside of the RNC coming to NY in 2004: it means that the area's air will probably be safe to breath again by then.

A sentence you'll never see (but should) in upcoming reports: It wasn't terrorism that caused the August blackout, it was capitalism.

A commission of inquiry has found that Israeli police used excessive force on Palestinians during an insurrection three years ago. This is the most startling development since a panel revealed that there were some security breakdowns on 9/11.

The White House recently announced the creation of a new post: assistant secretary of commerce for manufacturing, which is the first manufacturing job Bush has created since (literally) taking office.

Of course assistant secretary of commerce for manufacturing is only a temp position until Bush can find a way to outsource the post to either the Dominican Republic or China.

Give Bush credit, his policies have put one group back to work that was hit hard after 9/11-- the Taliban.

For the good of the nation, South Dakota Congressman Bill "the Wheelman" Janklow should resign from the House and go to work as W's chauffeur.

Then again, Janklow has just the kind of qualifications that would tempt Bush to offer him the Secretary of Transportation job.

Donald Rumsfeld has asked that we be patient with the continuing military operations in Afghanistan and Iraq. Rumsfeld urging patience is like Dom Deluise endorsing fasting.

But Doomsday Don is right - you can't develop a good quagmire without patience. Quagmires take time.

On 9/8, under the headline "Older Workers are Thriving," the New York Times informed us that "A higher percentage of workers aged 55 to 64 hold jobs today than when the economy plunged into hard times in early 2001." This is because a lower percentage of Americans now have pension plans that provide for anything more than a greeter's job at Wal*Mart.

Kaiser Ashcroft is touring the country demanding that we continue to renounce our civil liberties by supporting the odious Patriot Act. He is receiving a warm response from hand-picked audiences of cops and soldiers. It the equivalent of speaking out against gravy at a dishwasher's convention.

The Patriot Act: with new and improved freedom! Now with fewer police restraints!

It's funny how the resignation of Abbas as Palestinian PM is supposedly the end of the "Roadmap to peace" but Sharon's announcement that he plans to KILL EVERYONE in Hamas is a piddling matter.

***

Acknowledgment- Today's quips are dedicated to the memory of Warren Zevon. Warren generously introduced me to his New England audiences by allowing me to open shows for him on numerous occasions, way back when. Warren offered this kindness matter-of-factly. When I tried to thank him, he simply suggested that I was deserving and there was nothing more to it. To this day, it's a rare New England appearance when some audience member doesn't inform me that they first began to follow my work because they'd seen me at a Warren Zevon show.

Zevon tackled both life and death with verve and genius. His witty courage during this past year made mortality a little less scary for the rest of us. He was a brilliant, hilarious and boundlessly talented person. His effervescent body of work is the cornerstone of a legacy that will guarantee that his incisive wit and wisdom will continue to incite and inform those left behind. Warren will always be missed but he will always be with us. -- Barry Crimmins

***

Today's quote from a sane person: Tyranny has always advertised itself as a form of freedom: it's no different today.- Al Giordano Narco News

Recent audio commentary from me is now available on my pal Scooter's deluxe guerilla audio website, Acksis of Evil http://acksisofevil.org full of subversive high tech hilarity.

2003-09-06T12:31:00.000-04:00

Draft of the remarks made by Barry Crimmins on WBAI Radio 9/4/03

W's Proudest Planks

A Foreign Quagmire and a Domestic Tragedy

Before we begin the fall offensive that will kick off the final 16 months of George W. Bush's term of stolen office, let's assess his current political circumstances.

Bush is counting on his assault on Iraq and his continued exploitation of the 9/11 attacks to help him become the first president to serve two full terms of office by winning only one election.

I don't like his chances. But I love ours!

Let's start by considering Iraq, which is more than W, his advisers and the lapdog corporate media did last winter. Bush lied, cajoled, bullied and bribed his way into a conflict that he believed would guarantee his place in history. It has. The court-appointed president will be remembered as an idiot for generations to come.

Leave it to Bush to stage a quagmire in a desert. This effort has required a few Great Lakes' worth of bottled water -- no doubt provided by Halliburton at retail rates marked up so high that they are also billing us for automatic pricing guns.

The billions that soak into that desert come from the same working people whose soldier sons and daughters are learning first-hand why the battle emblem for the occupation of Iraq should be the sitting duck. The funds W's corporate cronies siphon off this endeavor deprive those tens of thousands of soldiers, not to mention millions of Iraqis, of many basic human needs -- needs that any nation truly intent upon restoring human rights would have made A#1 priorities. Unfortunately W's only priority was to start a war.

Jr. actually believed that pulling into a few cities and occupying them meant that victory was his. But wars are never as simple as the morons that start them. The end of the conventional war meant the start of the guerilla struggle. Bush told us he was going to rid the world of terrorists but his Iraq initiative has only united, strengthened and emboldened all things al Qaeda. His military action and occupation have failed so spectacularly that even some of Saddam Hussein's worst enemies pine for him as if he were a lost sweetheart from a gentler age.

Nothing highlights Bush's ethical and political depravity more than his ridiculous flight to the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln in early May. Puppeteer-in-chief Karl Rove was sure that this multimillion dollar photo-op would provide inordinately valuable propaganda footage for the campaign of '04. It does. We now have explicit video of Bush, a military deserter during Vietnam, in drag as a war hero. Even worse, he stood under a giant banner that announced "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED." Despite this triumphant declaration, American losses have continued unabated and US casualties are now more than double what they were the day Bush became a boat act. Some accomplishment!

Anyone possessed of a modicum of political literacy knows that Iraq had nothing to do with the 9/11 assaults. Nevertheless, Bush will go to New York City for the Republican 2004 Convention and offer the thousands of dead, victimized by his mad dash to violence, as proof of retribution for the carnage at the World Trade Center.
The choice of venues for the R's Convention is as ill-advised as W's foray into Iraq. New Yorkers suffered greatly on and since 9/11. They hold the terrorists accountable for what they did. They hold George Bush accountable for what he didn't do and hasn't done (not to mention might have done). And we all remember that Bush was on a month-long vacation as the final planning for the terrorist assaults took place.

We'd have been in better shape had he simply stayed on vacation. His performance on the fatal day was dismal at best. As the Northeast burned, this would-be cowboy tough guy made like Barney Fife and headed for Nebraska-- via Louisiana. The next day, while thousands lay beneath the rubble, his staff's first order of business was to disseminate a whopper about fictional threats made against Bush. These threats supposedly justified his 9/11 Incredible President Limpett act. That was just the first of hundreds of instances in which the Bush regime has used this great tragedy for venal political gain.

The following year, when W's pre-9/11 negligence was finally receiving some scrutiny, his minions began flashing a multi-colored strobe light of warnings about new terrorist threats. Most of these fictions suggested that New York was again the prime target. Bush's only regret over re-traumatizing millions of New Yorkers came because he forced the city's already overburdened emergency service workers into putting in extra hours before he could find a way to screw them out of overtime pay.

Recently when NYC was plunged into Baghdadian darkness, whispers suggested terrorism was to blame. They were right. It was the economic terrorists of a deregulated energy racket that caused the August blackout. They were terrorists in lockstep with Bush's plan to bleed this nation so dry that it will never again be able to afford the type of social safety net necessary to make sure vibrant cities like New York aren't just good places to live for penthouse dwellers.

And now we learn that Bush even disregarded the ultra-wealthy when his EPA lied to all New Yorkers about the noxious quality of post- 9/11 air.

One year from now the court-appointed prez will be at his Republican Garden party. It will only serve to remind this nation of a day so desperate that most Americans were driven to believe they had no choice but to trust George W. Bush. He has defiled that trust in every conceivable manner.

New Yorkers won't care if Bush shows up to give his acceptance speech at Ground Zero on a hook and ladder, dressed in complete firefighter regalia. They will be out in full force on their streets to let the Republicans know that the city that readily welcomes the tired, the poor, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free and CLEAN air, the city that still puts out the welcome mat for wretched refuse -- draws the line when it comes to inviting riffraff like George W. Bush to town. Mark my words: before next year's Gluttonous Old Party confab ends, New York will make Republicans wish that they had followed Dubyahoo's 9/11 example and headed for Nebraska, even if it meant laying over in Louisiana.

©2003 Barry Crimmins

2003-08-15T17:02:00.000-04:00

Well there I was, quips ready to go, website repaired (thanks to a certain saint from Santa Cruz) when the screen flickered and you know the rest. So here is the amended version, including some remarks about powerlessness.

It wasn't even two hours into the blackout of the Northeast before politicians began blathering about how citizens were handling the inconvenience "as only Americans can." I wonder how Americans would feel if their power had been knocked out LAST MARCH by violent foreign invaders who then occupied our nation and took forever to restore basic services. I wonder how Americans would handle it after months, rather than just hours.

And if you think being stuck at an airport during a power outage is bad, try getting pinned down at one by M-16 fire.

You're right, Governor Pataki, we ARE the greatest people in the world because can lose use of our blenders and hairdryers for an entire evening without anarchy engulfing New York! I am so proud of my state and its wonderful people!

Several million people were without power and the little emergency juice that was available was immediately diverted to politicians so they could circulate hot air. How's that for priorities?

At the center of the blackout is the Niagara-Mohawk power grid in upstate New York. NiMo is the outfit that had a spill of highly irradiated water in a control room at its Lake Ontario Nine Mile Point nuclear waste production facility -aka/ power plant. They dealt with the crisis by padlocking the room's door and ignoring the problem for the next several years. So it's not hard to believe that NiMo caused this fiasco.

God knows radiation can't elude the stopping power of a padlock!

I had the batteries in the transistor radio for less than five minutes before I heard the first call for more nuclear power plants. So although there was almost no looting or petty crime reported during the blackout, the nuke lobby had no qualms about exploiting the powerless at their most vulnerable moment.

Tough break for Bush -- the entire Northeast was plunged into he murky shadows in which he most effectively operates, right when he was out in sunny California.

Bush was in the Golden State using overpriced power to help cast artificial murky shadows on yet another Republican effort to reverse the electoral will of the people.

If you played a Republican in one-on-one basketball and beat him, he'd protest, "Wait a minute, we didn't say 'first one to 5 baskets,' we said 'first one to 10'." As you continued to win, 10 would become 15, 15 would become 20 and so on.

Republicans don't understand that "You just can't win with some people" is only a figure of speech. They want to fix it so that anyone who isn't an R literally cannot win.

Once Gov. Mike Leavitt demonstrated the ability to toxify a state the size of Utah, he became the natural (if you'll forgive the term) choice to head Bush's EPA.

No questions asked-- Leavitt vastly improved Utah's environment-- for corporate polluters.

Leavitt's appointment is great news to Big Pharma -- in particular the manufacturers of cancer drugs.

How about how that Court-appointed Bush administration! Without its vigilance, we'd be in danger of crackpots purchasing fictional weapons from some non-governmental sting.

Arms distribution facilitators like Kissinger and Associates have helped spread shoulder-mounted missiles as if they were party favors. The Bushists highly publicized bust of some poor dupe didn't remove even one of those lethal devices from the seedy worldwide arms market.

While they were at it, why didn't they just sell the guy some fictional weapons of mass destruction? Then they'd have had a bust Bush really could have used!

It's a horrible, horrible thing that Laci Peterson was murdered. It is even worse that the corporate media will ignore thousands of other lethal injustices as it spends vast amounts of time and energy on macabre over-analysis of her case.

Those wondering how much longer the troubles in Iraq might persist should consider Afghanistan, a country Bush claimed to have liberated nearly two years ago. On just one day this week over 50 people died in Afghan violence. The Afghan heroin trade is thriving. Contrary to published and broadcast reports, the Taliban has been anything but eradicated. When contrasting Afghanistan with Iraq, we should consider that the early days of US troops in Afghanistan were a picnic compared to what has transpired in the first few months in Iraq. Despite Bush's pronouncement that his Afghan military effort was victorious, indigenous Middle Eastern concerns hunkered down for a long and very nasty battle of attrition. It has just begun and now a similar catastrophe is unfolding in Iraq. Although it seems impossible, Bush's aircraft carrier stunt will become even stupider in retrospect than it was at the time.

California seems likely to get itself a new, extremely unqualified leader, who communicates in trite bumper-sticker lingo and who has a history of questionable business dealings. His ascendancy will be the result of an "election" in which he will not be the choice of the majority of voters. Trends used to start in California but in this case it's nearly three years behind the rest of the nation.

This may be the first statewide election with more candidates than voters.

The Bushist regime is now hassling many Americans of conscience who went to Iraq in an attempt to stop (and eventually observe) a war that was unnecessary and insane. Many of these people risked their lives as human shields. We all must rise up and vehemently protest the McCarthyistic harassment of these brave souls. What we really need is a government prosecution of those who shielded Bush for the lies he told to promote the war that those courageous activists knew was senseless long before it began.

FUN FACT ABOUT THE DANGEROUS LEFTIST MEDIA: In the past week the dirty liberals at the New York Times have run op-ed pieces promoting the reintroduction of DDT and the resurgence of nuclear power.

John Osterlind, a reactionary blabmeister on Boston's WRKO AM, has been suspended for two weeks (reportedly WITH pay) for saying on the air that the Palestinian people should be "eradicated." So the rule for on-air personnel at WRKO is simple -- so long as your calls for genocide are aimed at a group that reactionaries enjoy denigrating, you get a paid two-week August vacation out of it.

John Osterlind should be fired for advocating genocide. Until he goes, no self-respecting Bostonian should listen to anything on WRKO.

First they came for the Palestinians, but I said nothing because I wanted WRKO to put my call on the air....

John Ashcroft is now blacklisting federal judges who shorten mandatory sentences. But since he is such a great Christian, he has asked Pat Robertson to scrunch up his eyes and pray his special death prayer for the wayward jurists.

According to the New York Times: "Officials denied that Prime Minister Tony Blair's government knowingly used false information to create a sense of imminent threat from Iraq." Willfully maybe, but not knowingly, after all, how could anyone who knows anything have advocated that war?

Kaiser Ashcroft was disappointed to learn that a copy of the Bill of Rights is about to be returned to North Carolina after a 138-year absence. Ashcroft feels that any state that has survived without the Bill of Rights for that long has corroborated his view that the document is unnecessary.

The new Bush action figure is very realistic-- at the first whiff of danger it heads directly for Nebraska.

Pull its string and Karl Rove talks.

OK, to be precise: pull its string and Karl Rove lies.

I've received numerous requests to endorse Howard Dean for president. I'm told we all have to get behind him now or risk losing next year. Unfortunately, I am not sold on Dean in a number of areas. How is he on unions? Why did he support the Yucca Mountain nuke dump? How can he tell us that there is no way to cut the military budget? (Even if he is only fiddling with semantics-- we need leaders to unequivocally challenge runaway militarism rather than slither about with plausibly deniable doublespeak) Next year we will have no choice but to support the Democratic candidate. However, during the primaries, beggars can and should be choosers. At this point, this beggar is far from choosing Howard Dean.

****

OK I told you about a Saint who helped with the site. Dozens of others also wrote me with kind offers of assistance and helpful web woe advice. I am trying to answer everyone but in case I miss you, sincere thanks for all the kindness. Now back to the saint. The troubles he found explained a lot and have been eradicated. Besides saving the soy bacon of babes in the electronic woods, he is also an environmental activist with a lot to say. I strongly suggest you join his mailing list by clicking the link below and then sending the email it creates

or join on the web here:
http://lists.riseup.net/www/arc/haydukespeaks

His list is hosted by riseup net, which also hosts this list. To help support riseup:
http://help.riseup.net/rcc/donate.html

Recent audio commentary from me is now available on my pal Scooter's deluxe guerilla audio website, Acksis of Evil http://acksisofevil.org/ chuck full of subversive high tech hilarity.

for a direct link to mp3's of my remarks:
http://acksisofevil.org/barry.html

*******
To join the Crimquips mailing list either go to http://lists.riseup.net/www/loginrequest//crimquips or send an e-mail with "subscribe" in the subject line to
crimquips@barrycrimmins.com

and please send this subversive material to your friends and suggest that they subscribe as well!

*******

Link of the day is the Peace Abbey http://www.peaceabbey.org

******
It's nearly time for the hottest jazz confab of the autumn -- Boston's Equinox Music Festival, featuring the John Coltrane Memorial Concert with very special guest Pharoh Sanders!

For tickets and info: http://www.jcmcsite.com

2003-08-08T07:10:00.000-04:00

TODAY'S QUOTE: "You're through!" -- George W. Bush abruptly dismissing a reporter who attempted a follow-up question to W that he had already taken the time NOT to answer just a minute or so earlier.

The comment occurred at the press conference during which Bush said he was responsible for the blatant lie he told in the State of the Union address. Of course if Bush really held himself accountable for all he says then why would he let the media ask follow-up questions to those he avoids by offering pat response that invoke 9/11?

So when a reporter wants to try to switch the subject back from 9/11 to the original question, W announces "you're through." But journalists need to do is continue to ask questions of Bush and his handlers. Jar's answers (or lack thereof) will provide the American people with all they need to tell Bush, "No, YOU'RE through."

George W. Bush owes the world , America and especially the people who have died in his war to stand there and answer every tough question there is about his willy-nilly invasion and occupation of Iraq.

On the other hand , why should an unelected leader behave as if he were accountable to the people?

Nevertheless , if the court-appointed Bush administration-appointed president really respected the troops and their loved ones he would take all the heat he has coming in Washington while his soldiers fry on the desert in Iraq.

***

Bush is so determined to teach Iraqis about democracy that he'll get it done even if it requires kicking in the doors of every home in the country.

Democracy will come to Iraq... right after the WMD are found.

W claims he doesn't want to expose censored information that links the Saudis to the 9/11 assaults because it "would help the enemy." Hey W, whether or not it helps Democrats is of little consequence, the important thing is that Americans are owed the full truth about 9/11.

***

How nice of Court-appointed President Bush to reduce funding for air marshals at the exact same time his Fatherland Security Department has decided to alarm us about increased dangers of terrorist attacks on commercial airliners.

This air marshal cutback is a good test for Tom Rigid's American KGB. If his organization is at all competent it should be able to trace the increased air-terror threat directly to Pennsylvania Avenue.

" Group Linked to Al Qaeda Seen Behind Jakarta Blast," trumpeted an August 7 New York Times headline. Well it's a start but wouldn't we be much better off if they could learn to spot al Qaeda in front of such blasts?

***

Arnold Schwarzenegger's father would be so proud of his son's California gubernatorial candidacy -- if only the former member of the Nazi Party hadn't died some years ago.

Herr Schwarzenegger would have particularly loved how a small reactionary base was able to undermine the democratic will of the people and thus provide a crackpot from Austria with the chance to seize power.

If he manages to steal the California governor's office, Arnold may not stop in Sacramento...Considering what Ashcroft is doing to the Constitution, by 2008 it may be a simple matter to overlook the requirement that presidents must be natural-born American citizens.

After all, what's a little residency requirement when we've already overlooked the rule that presidents must be elected?

Let's face it , Schwarz possesses all the tools necessary to be a just the kind of California Republican the national party loves -- he's a bad actor who has no qualms about laying wreaths on Nazi graves.

The last hope is that a truly legitimate Hollywood figure like Spongebob Squarepants will emerge to save California.

***

They say that Colin Powell is just a token and tool to the Bushists but if the neocon artists didn't genuinely respect and care for Powell, why would they take the time to announce his retirement for him?

That said , the suggestion that Powell would step down as Secretary of State if Bush were actually elected in 2004 came as quite surprise to many people, particularly Colin Powell.

Voters can render the Powell speculation moot by announcing W's retirement for him -- at the polls a year from November.

***

Bush's best hope for making the economy appear to be on the mend by the 2004 election hinges on millions of Americans turning the statistical corner from "unemployed" to "hardcore unemployed." That way they'll end up so far downstream that won't be visible on any economic flowcharts.

Republicans always say they don't want to get involved in class warfare and they mean it. Not even Rumsfeld would to consider deploying troops to that front.

A fair discussion of economic justice is one area where Republicans are actually self-effacing enough to be able to determine that they are outclassed.

Besides, class warfare might end up as a fair fight and nothing brings out dormant pacifist tendencies in Republicans faster than the prospect of a fair fight .

***

Back in Palestinian society, former Israeli captives walk a gauntlet of Israeli Defense Forces wherever they go. Israelis are now worried that the ex-prisoners are beginning to plot to bring some of the freedom of movement they learned to enjoy in jail to the rest of their non-countrymen. If they succeed, exercise yards will soon be turning up all over the Occupied Territories.

***

According to the 8/6 New York Times , "The Army, stretched by commitments in Iraq, is undertaking dramatic changes in the way it organizes and deploys troops in combat." In fact, in what would be a radical departure from the Bush Doctrine, the Pentagon may even consider only deploying troops when and where there is a legitimate need for them .

***

Demonstrating what a dangerous radical he is , Howard Dean recently said he didn't see how the military budget could be cut.

For starters , how about ending the production of unusable-under-any-circumstances nuclear weapons , Howard? There's several dozen billion dollars you could lop right off the top of military spending.

And there'd be a health benefit, Doc . The nukes would no longer deteriorate in the USA, spreading carcinogens into our environment. So you could actually defend the American people and save billions at the same time. Now there's some fiscal conservatism we could all live with!

And while we're at it Gov/Doc Dean , how about putting military contractors through the same scrutiny that veterans go through when they attempt to get health care for all of the illnesses they contracted and injuries they suffered while on active duty? In fact, why not put the softies from Pentagon procurement at the VA hospitals and put the VA claim-authorizing staff in charge of buying the bombs? Again billions would be saved and our people would be better off.

Gen. Peter J. Schoomaker says that the Army will need more troops to meet the worldwide (lack-of)demand for US military presence. Fortunately, as domestic poverty increases, career options narrow and so there will always be a large number of young people desperate enough to sign on as Hessians in America's effort to supply muscle for the cause of globalization.

***

Judging by the sleazy practices it has been employing in its long distance phone business, MCI's calling plan "The Neighborhood" may soon refer include the "general population."

***

Now that John Poindexter's plan to institute a terrorist lottery has been rejected, it looks like the CIA will have to find other means by which to fiscally prop up international miscreants.

Office pools are generally harmless but when they can lead to news reports that begin, "Well the latest terrorist massacre was good news for one local resident..." it's a pretty good bet they've gone too far.

No one is more disappointed in the abandonment of Poindexter's terror lottery than Bill Bennett.

Karl Rove will now privatize terror roulette and use it at Las Vegas night GOP fundraisers.

***

Tom Kelly , a spokesperson for the British prime minister, apologized for likening the late David (no relation) Kelly, the British scientist who died under questionable circumstances a few weeks ago, to the fictional character Walter Mitty . He did this in hopes of keeping his job with another fictional character, Nude Emperor Tony Blair .

***

I'm glad the Episcopalians elected a gay bishop but to read the papers you'd think our society is teetering on the brink of mayhem because there is a split in the Episcopal Church.

Oh no! Some stuffed shirt protestants are upset about a world a bit more complicated than the fake one in which they reside at the Sunday morning coffee klatch? Heaven forbid!

Gosh, maybe someday there will even be a gay Catholic bishop. Nah-- gay Catholic clergy is a concept just too crazy to imagine.

***

Depressing news about Paxil -- a study indicates that the drug leads many children and teens to commit suicide. As a precaution, the FDA is advising parents who are concerned about this danger to take some Prozac and sit calmly until they forget what they were worrying about.

***

No Joke

The pesticide industry tipped its lethal hand when it had the Hoover Institute's Dr. Henry I. Miller broach the subject of resurrecting DDT to fight West Nile disease in an 8/7 New York Times op-ed piece. We should respond to Miller by telling him to carry his polluted water right back to the noxious industry that wants the green light to renew a senseless assault on the environment.

Here is what West Nile Disease is: an illness that has been around for a long time that now has been provided alarmist publicists by the pesticide industry. This sleazy concern isn't happy enough that the court-appointed Bush administration-appointed Bush Administration's is attempting to drop the ban on human testing of pesticides, now it wants to bring reintroduce of its most hideous and pervasive concoctions.

I see birds every day in rural upstate New York that weren't around when I was a child because back then DDT drove many species to near extinction (and several more all the way to extinction). We mustn't let them scare us into sending the birds to the brink again because we aren't smart enough to properly assess the "risk" of mosquitoes. With all the rain we have had this spring and summer in the Northeastern USA, nobody would still be alive in this region if the West Nile virus were anywhere near the threat that they claim it to be. So far THREE people have allegedly died in 2003 from this illness. Any self-respecting flu outbreak kills hundreds more than that. The three who did die this year would have been likely to succumb to any of several dozen other medical bad breaks because they just weren't well enough to fight off assaults on their immune systems. This is a scam that was cooked up by the reactionary Manhattan Institute to get us to soften up on the wholesale dumping of noxious chemicals into the environment. Now the West Coast Hoovers do their part by mentioning DDT as a solution. It is a solution- a deadly one. Americans are MUCH more likely to get sick from DDT than from mosquito bites.

Of course nobody wants to be bitten by mosquitoes. Sane precautions can help reduce such discomforting bites. These include:

•Covering yourself, including your extremities, with light-colored clothing.

• Limiting your outdoor activities in the early morning and early evening, when the mosquitoes are most active.

•Sweeping out puddles of standing water thus eradicating mosquito breeding grounds. A natural corn-bristle broom will whisk away mosquito eggs while leaving the ground safe enough for children to play upon.

• If you really think it necessary, use some sort of repellent - but search for a natural solution. Light citronella candles. Eat your B vitamins.

• Build purple martin houses in your community. These birds devour mosquitoes by the pound -- and pond.

• Make sure that your screens, windows and doors are properly fitted. If you can see light through a crack, it's the Holland Tunnel to an insect. This will also help save energy during heating season.

But the main precaution we must take is to tell our elected officials that we realize the pesticide industry poses a much greater threat to our health than the mosquitoes it is employing to panic us so that we will drop our environmental guards.

What would you rather risk? A mosquito bite or cancer? All those birds that weren't around when I was a kid were simply dead canaries in the mineshaft of the environment. DDT killed them while mosquitoes mutated and survived. If we wipe out the birds, it won't be long until we fall prey to the same poisons that did them in. I have no doubt that we lost many more people to earlier DDT infestation than we will ever lose to the West Nile virus. "West Nile" is a popgun compared to the weapon of mass destruction that is George W. Bush's foreign policy- an illness far more lethal and widespread than any mosquito could ever carry. Yet I wouldn't even spray DDT on the White House.

And that's no joke.

***

A final note …Bob Hope was so old that he actually outlived Vincent Canby, who wrote his obituary for the New York Times. In and of itself, that's a pretty good joke. I loved Hope when I was a kid and he certainly brought a lot of joy to many people. Unlike latter day comic jingoist Dennis Miller, Hope actually showed up in person and as close to the front as he could get to entertain the troops he said he supported.

But after hearing some commentators suggest that Hope invented topical humor I feel compelled to remind everyone that barbed and timely political comment goes back to Ancient Greece. If you are speaking strictly of stand-up/broadcast comedy, Will Rogers certainly preceded Hope by several years. And unlike Bob (or Miller, for that matter) Rogers wrote most of his own stuff. And it was funnier, gutsier and much more of, by and for the people than almost any comic since Rogers was lost in an Alaskan plane crash all those years ago. I wonder how far Joe McCarthy would have gotten had Will lived just another ten or fifteen years? Joe McCarthy and Bob Hope thrived during the same period. And there is no question about how Miller would have gotten along with Tailgunner Joe.

I also think it's appropriate to consider how Hope's USO TV specials made many of us grow up dreaming of the day we could go to our own war so that we could see Bob growl at Joey Heatherton in person. But I wanna tell ya... how about those body bags!

Thanks... for the casualties!